A Birdhouse

Long Time No See!

2010-10-30T10:01:00.002-04:00

Hey there, readers!

I have been busy living this month. I have been working a lot and making a routine for myself.
I am happy.

The place I am working at is allowing us to dress up for halloween. I was thinking I would go in a baggy skirt and oversize t-shirt, but there are some hippies and people who shop there who dress that way by religion, so I figured it would be insensitive.

I then decided to dress in my square-dancing outfit (not really a costume, but still) but they said I looked more like a gypsy. I loved the idea, so I am painting my fingernails a bright red, I went out and bought some big gold bangles and gold necklaces, and I already have this long black skirt with bells on the waist ties!
It will be the first time I ever dress up, so I am excited and am having heaps of fun.

One of the most interesting posts about halloween and what its significance as a holiday means.

I am doing what many people do with Halloween: Put on a monster mask, confront what you fear, celebrate it for a day and then, move on.

Timing

2010-09-20T14:03:00.002-04:00

I guess this post will be a little rant to myself about timing.

I really really like to make my own schedules and design my life and make sure all my ducks are in neat rows. The thing is that God often does not agree with me. I mean seriously, if only He knew what I was thinking, the good intentions I had, and the goals I was working towards!

However, as I am learning to rest in His timing and His planning, I am learning that He is all-sufficient. He really has my best at heart. He will provide, and when He blesses.... I fall to my knees in amazement. My heart is safe with Him!

Thanks, again, Heavenly Father, for everything. I know you are working things out for me.
Silly little me, who you care so much about.
Your grace and love are overwhelming and I know Your promises will hold.
Every step of my journey is lit by Your plans for me.
Your guiding has not always been easy to see, but I follow with joy.

6 years

2010-09-10T21:23:00.004-04:00

This time of the year is always really, really hard for me.
Last year, I really got it out in this post.

I got a lot of flack for it, by people who think I should "move on" or "get over it."
I have a bit of a news flash for you. When something serious changes in your life, especially as a young child, it takes a lot of time and effort to process and work through.
Basically, for me at 14, it was like a death.
You don't just "bounce" back (yes, that is a movie quote). You CAN'T pretend like it didn't seriously wound your heart or change who you are as a person.

At this point, this year, I think I can claim to be much better. I spent my anniversary driving around old familiar places. My grandmother does not like the word, but I have my own personal definition.
I found closure.
Yes, I was deeply wounded.
They have changed me, made me who I am today.
And, I have accepted myself for who I am.

The wounds have scarred over, for the most part, and I have found a reason to keep my heart alive still. I have finally reached the point of accepting that I live here. That I will be in the United States for the rest of my life, except for occasional itching-feet-vacations.

Yeah, for those who did not know I have hated being here for years.

I am also moving on as far as blaming. I blamed a lot of people for what happened, and mostly myself. I was young and I felt that I could have changed things if only I was better, or done more, or tried harder....or something.
But it had nothing to do with me. Like a pawn in a chess game, I was at the mercy of everything else and could not do much.
I have stopped blaming myself.

When something happens that deeply affects you, it is part of your history. Part of your unique story. Part of your fingerprint. Hiding these things is like hiding an elephant with pink toenails in a cherry tree. People can tell it is there, but they do not have an explanation. Especially, with the people who care about you, hiding things or pretending is a bad idea, and could damage or completely ruin your relationship.
I have begun to talk about what I have been through.
Talking is a healthy thing. Most people are not mind readers.

Lastly, I have been allowing the possibility of forgiveness. Yes, very bad decisions lead to years of pain, dysfunction, and stupid crap. It caused way too much chaos in the lives of hundreds of people. Yes, hundreds!! Every person affects other people, who in turn affect others. No one can repair the damage without humility and sincere honesty. I cannot repent of anything that I have not done. But I can free the other person from the place of anger, resentment, and fear in which I have imprisoned them. They have been pushed far enough away that they cannot cause me pain. I free them to work before God with all their serious problems.

I let go.
And now I wait with open hands.

New Favorite Song

2010-08-16T18:48:00.002-04:00

So today we went out to a Christian Bookstore to find out if they stocked a book dear to my heart (they didn't. They only stock "Christian Publishers") and I found some reduced price CD's!!!!

Barlow Girl is not my normal taste, but this song is really interesting:

YES, this blog is dying

2010-08-15T13:27:00.002-04:00

I have moved on in the real world as well as in the blogging world.

I have left home and am now making my way in the big, scary world outside of home.
I may get on here and post updates. It depends.

I am enjoying new opportunities and learning things that I never knew before. Learning what NOT to say and do (at least they forgive me when I said something really bad, but they won't tell me what I just said because they are laughing so hard)

The worst part about not knowing these things is that everyone assumes you do. Like being an MK all over again. You look like you "fit in" but inside you don't, and people are shocked when you don't. I have to repeat my story to people about once a day because they forget. I am an independent 20 year old, why wouldn't I know what x-type of drink was....

Live and learn, they say. I guess I have not lived yet, because I am woefully short on the knowledge....

An Example in Courage

2010-05-17T22:21:00.003-04:00

No man thinks more highly than I do of the patriotism, as well as abilities, of the very worthy gentlemen who have just addressed the House. But different men often see the same subject in different lights; and, therefore, I hope that it will not be thought disrespectful to those gentlemen, if, entertaining as I do opinions of a character very opposite to theirs, I shall speak forth my sentiments freely and without reserve.

This is no time for ceremony. The question before the House is one of awful moment to this country. For my own part I consider it as nothing less than a question of freedom or slavery; and in proportion to the magnitude of the subject ought to be the freedom of the debate. It is only in this way that we can hope to arrive at truth, and fulfill the great responsibility which we hold to God and our country. Should I keep back my opinions at such a time, through fear of giving offense, I should consider myself as guilty of treason towards my country, and of an act of disloyalty towards the majesty of heaven, which I revere above all earthly kings.

Mr. President, it is natural to man to indulge in the illusions of hope. We are apt to shut our eyes against a painful truth, and listen to the song of that siren, till she transforms us into beasts. Is this the part of wise men, engaged in a great and arduous struggle for liberty? Are we disposed to be of the number of those who, having eyes, see not, and having ears, hear not, the things which so nearly concern their temporal salvation?

For my part, whatever anguish of spirit it may cost, I am willing to know the whole truth -- to know the worst and to provide for it. I have but one lamp by which my feet are guided; and that is the lamp of experience. I know of no way of judging of the future but by the past. And judging by the past, I wish to know what there has been in the conduct of the British ministry for the last ten years, to justify those hopes with which gentlemen have been pleased to solace themselves and the House?

Is it that insidious smile with which our petition has been lately received? Trust it not, sir; it will prove a snare to your feet. Suffer not yourselves to be betrayed with a kiss. Ask yourselves how this gracious reception of our petition comports with these warlike preparations which cover our waters and darken our land. Are fleets and armies necessary to a work of love and reconciliation? Have we shown ourselves so unwilling to be reconciled that force must be called in to win back our love? Let us not deceive ourselves, sir. These are the implements of war and subjugation -- the last arguments to which kings resort. I ask gentlemen, sir, what means this martial array, if its purpose be not to force us to submission? Can gentlemen assign any other possible motives for it? Has Great Britain any enemy, in this quarter of the world, to call for all this accumulation of navies and armies?

No, sir, she has none. They are meant for us; they can be meant for no other. They are sent over to bind and rivet upon us those chains which the British ministry have been so long forging. And what have we to oppose to them? Shall we try argument? Sir, we have been trying that for the last ten years. Have we anything new to offer on the subject? Nothing.

We have held the subject up in every light of which it is capable; but it has been all in vain. Shall we resort to entreaty and humble supplication? What terms shall we find which have not been already exhausted? Let us not, I beseech you, sir, deceive ourselves longer.

Sir, we have done everything that could be done to avert the storm which is now coming on. We have petitioned; we have remonstrated; we have supplicated; we have prostrated ourselves before the throne, and have implored its interposition to arrest the tyrannical hands of the ministry and Parliament.

Our petitions have been slighted; our remonstrances have produced additional violence and insult; our supplications have been disregarded; and we have been spurned, with contempt, from the foot of the throne. In vain, after these things, may we indulge the fond hope of peace and reconciliation. There is no longer any room for hope.

If we wish to be free -- if we mean to preserve inviolate those inestimable privileges for which we have been so long contending -- if we mean not basely to abandon the noble struggle in which we have been so long engaged, and which we have pledged ourselves never to abandon until the glorious object of our contest shall be obtained, we must fight! I repeat it, sir, we must fight! An appeal to arms and to the God of Hosts is all that is left us!

They tell us, sir, that we are weak -- unable to cope with so formidable an adversary. But when shall we be stronger? Will it be the next week, or the next year? Will it be when we are totally disarmed, and when a British guard shall be stationed in every house? Shall we gather strength by irresolution and inaction? Shall we acquire the means of effectual resistance, by lying supinely on our backs, and hugging the delusive phantom of hope, until our enemies shall have bound us hand and foot?

Sir, we are not weak, if we make a proper use of the means which the God of nature hath placed in our power. Three millions of people, armed in the holy cause of liberty, and in such a country as that which we possess, are invincible by any force which our enemy can send against us. Besides, sir, we shall not fight our battles alone. There is a just God who presides over the destinies of nations, and who will raise up friends to fight our battles for us.

The battle, sir, is not to the strong alone; it is to the vigilant, the active, the brave. Besides, sir, we have no election. If we were base enough to desire it, it is now too late to retire from the contest. There is no retreat but in submission and slavery! Our chains are forged! Their clanking may be heard on the plains of Boston! The war is inevitable -- and let it come! I repeat it, sir, let it come!

It is in vain, sir, to extenuate the matter. Gentlemen may cry, "Peace! Peace!" -- but there is no peace. The war is actually begun! The next gale that sweeps from the north will bring to our ears the clash of resounding arms! Our brethren are already in the field! Why stand we here idle? What is it that gentlemen wish? What would they have? Is life so dear, or peace so sweet, as to be purchased at the price of chains and slavery? Forbid it, Almighty God! I know not what course others may take; but as for me, give me liberty, or give me death!

Patrick Henry - March 23, 1775

A Part 2 to a previous post.

Packing

2010-05-02T22:35:00.002-04:00

Packing boxes is one of the things missionary's do best!!

We are packing up our belongings again.
It is amazing how many things you aquire in life that fill up space yet never produce or result in anything positive. I have thrown out a lot of things in the past week which my pack-rat self has stored and miser-like hoarded for years.
I also threw out those "projects" which I have the tendency to begin, yet never finish because the inspiration fades. You probably would not believe the things I once planned on doing.
One hard thing for me right now is throwing away books.
I love books, but like my projects, I gather them and fail to read them. I have books on cheese. Does that make any sense? It is an old, falling apart book which has little value except for the information it contains. I guess I once wanted to make cheese!

Packing is an exercise of the will, because it drastically cuts into your comfort zone. How easy is it to put everything you own into brown packages and not use it for another 6 months or forever? It reduces the value of the material things and puts you back to the basics.

...there fore with food and raiment....let us be content!

Random Funny of the Day

2010-04-17T00:01:00.002-04:00

A word of counsel from the Bible for any single males looking for wives:

15 Biblical Ways to Get a Wife

Knee update:

2010-03-23T19:25:00.004-04:00

This morning I went to York to get an X-ray of my knee. It has been giving me fits off and on since Thanksgiving, and it has been over a year since the accident.

The difference between and X-ray and a cat-scan is that an Xray takes a small area and looks at it, but a cat-scan is one's whole body.
The difference between an X-ray and an MRI is that the X-ray sees calcium, but an MRI can see ligaments and other internal organs.

All the X-rays looked fine, but for some reason the kneecap seems to ride slightly off center. Pulls, maneuvering, and muscle contortions did not hurt me, so the Doctor thought it might be something that Physical Therapy could handle. If three months of PT doesn't help me out, I will be going back for an MRI to see if anything is REALLY wrong with my knee.

I am going to the PT center nearby on Thursday.

WE shall see.

A Milestone

2010-03-16T22:07:00.001-04:00

Tonight, I turn 15!

What I have been listening to lately:

2010-03-10T00:25:00.000-05:00

Colossians 1

2010-03-08T16:58:00.000-05:00

²¹ And you, who once were alienated and enemies in your mind by wicked works, yet now He has reconciled ²² in the body of His flesh through death, to present you holy, and blameless, and above reproach in His sight—

Poem

2010-02-28T15:26:00.001-05:00

11/25/2008

My choice, my consequence,
My destiny
Molded by the hands which created
And love me

My life, my heart to You
Alone belong
Every tremoring, numbered heartbeat
Of my life’s song

At night to You I cry
My heart’s desire
Must be You, and You alone, O Lord
Your consuming fire

Purify me, burn away
All my dross
Let my heart seek and look only for
The foot of Your cross.

*Note: Inspired….slowly, but definitely. The last four lines, for sure!

Always... in My Eyes

2010-02-12T23:33:00.001-05:00

A bittersweet and tender song...

*Note: The title of the song is "Always a Child". The spanish person who named it named it wrong, but it was the best original rendition I could find on youtube..

Snowtires

2010-02-10T23:41:00.005-05:00

You might have heard.....but this area of the country is getting a mite of snow...

Ok....a good deal of snow....

OOOOKKKKK!!
About 10 times more snow than normal!!

In fact, so much snow that schools and churches were cancelling all activities, PenDot trucks were working full-blast, and roads were closed!

Tuseday, we were caught in the beginnings of a 24hour blizzard about 20 miles from home. (In fact, it was only 17, but rounding up is smoother) The snow was scheduled to begin at 2, but it didn't start till about 3:30. By 4 pm roads were clogged and we were stuck on a two-lane road trying to get to the library. We got there (well, not ME, but I will get to that later!) 3 minutes after closing time, and just as they were locking up.
However, we did make the post office. Well, we made the post office at 4. But the line was so long I went in to take my brother's place. Then my little sister came in to tell me that the rest of them were going to try to get the 1 or so mile to the library before it closed at 5. This was at about 4:15, and as I was finally 2nd in line. In three minutes the business was done, and so we sat down on the side to wait for the return of mother, siblings and car. Then, I get a phone call.
"Come meet us" she says. "We are only about 50 feet down the road."
I can't help but groan. The conditions are nearing whiteout in the deepening darkness. And I am wearing stockings and flats...
I set out quickly....watching to not slip, and trying to traverse the snow drifts from the previous 3ft of snow and the 1 inch already on the sidewalks.
"Should we pull into Dairy Queen and let you catch up?" she asks
"No, get to the library before it closes!! We'll catch up!!"
"But I have a green light!"
She goes through the light, and we come to a place where the sidewalk disappears and 3 feet of snow stretch for 10 feet to the roadway packed with cars.
I hesitated too long...there was no catching up now!
Sister and I finally reach and sit down in Dairy Queen.
After about 15 minutes we get a call....the library was closed (see above)
After another 10 or so minutes we run across to the other side of the street and get in the car.

2 plus hours later we finally pull into our driveway.
We need better snow tires!!

One Year

2010-02-02T10:04:00.004-05:00

I honestly can't remember what I was thinking of or doing. All I know is that I was NOT really concentrating on the slope or my speed.

Suddenly, the hill dropped away and I was falling....rolling.The rest....is history!

Since the accident, I have learned a lot of things, and it really opened up a whole new phase of life for me.
Some excerpts from my mental notepad on this occasion:

1) I have a lot of things to be thankful for. The rest of me works most of the time, and I have a pretty continual reminder to pray when it starts to hurt.

2) I am saved from being addicted to movies. I know this sounds funny, bu whenever I see actors and actresses gallivanting around the screen and jumping, rappelling, running, climbing...I wait to see if they will land wrong and break their ACL. I cannot get rid of the premonition. Once burned, forever shy, I guess.

3) People are forgetful and sinful. (Maybe a better title would be "Forgiveness") I have lost track of the amount of times that people have forgotten about it (it isn't very obvious like a missing limb would be...) and have asked me to do things, or expected me to respond or come swiftly and I do not (cannot!) deliver. What is worse is that even after I remind them about my knee they rarely show remorse for being forgetful and unreasonable. (They are more annoyed than ever, what really gets to me is many people say I'm just "trying to get out of work".)

4) Constant reminder of my own frailty and mortality. Yes, constant. Even when it does not specifically pain me, it reminds me of it's condition. I am decaying. Some day I will be able to run and not grow weary.

5) On the topic of running, I actually tried it a couple days ago. (Well, I guess it depends on your definition.) My little hop-trot for the first time in a year felt like running! I really didn't miss it...

6) God always presents new challenges when you grow stagnant. The "leg incident" changed a lot of things that I thought "normal", and because of it I was given a gift that I treasure above all.
It has been one year. A year of change and pain, filled with new heights of wonder, joy, peace and knowledge.

You will show me the path of life;
In Your presence is fullness of joy;
At Your right hand are pleasures forevermore.

Of viruses and scissors

2010-01-30T10:27:00.003-05:00

I have become very adept with scissors lately. I think I should hire myself out!
When our dogs had puppies, we began to have a huge need for newspapers for them to learn on and to clean up other newspapers with. Along with newspapers come ads, and with many ads come coupons.
My mother had been thinking about coupon-ing for "a while now" (as she put it) and so this sudden source of something more to do (like we didn't have anything else to do in the first place) has swamped us....especially lately.

At first I would take the hundred pages of adds and cut out everything. Mother would come along later and sort and categorize them into little envelope holders. This quickly became an obvious waste of both our time, and the little envelope things were hard to find things in and much to cramped for easy separating of the coupons we DID want.
Then came the Coupon Binder (basically a zippered folder with hundreds of pages of baseball-card-holder clear plastic sheets). With most of the coupons in full view, our only problem was to find enough space for everything (that binder can hardly close).
HOWEVER:
With a new method came changes to the cutting came changes in the filing. We now stay up until 3 or even 6 am (and sometimes even 2 nights in a row) laying out the pages and putting all the same ones on top of eachother. We then pick which ones we keep (yes, we have become very picky!) and cut them out, and lay them on a 12" by 4' (yes: 12 inches by 4 feet) line of paper with an average coupon space and a category title. Then, my job is done, but Mother then spends (approx.) another 3-5 hours taking each category and filing it into little baseball card slots in the binder.

Which way is more arranged? Which is quicker?
Who knows.

But, in case you thought that was it...think again!
After this, Mother goes through all the store adds or online sites with adds already categorized (or both, definitely both more often) and matches coupons up with sales, or rebates/register rewards (or both).

Then comes the process of going to these stores (often taking along "Oh, no, mommy is going to spend hours here again" kids), finding the items, getting the right (and enough) coupons from the binder, and then making sure that the prices ring up right. (you would not believe how many times "sale" items do not ring up as on sale)
Then comes the wonderful times when the stores have sold out of the certain item you were hoping to get. Then you have to get rain checks, or ask to substitute....

In all it is a time-consuming menace to sleep and sanity, but you either spend a lot of money and a short amount of time, or a lot of time and little to no money.

We have a list of at least 10 "everyday" items (makeup, soap, floss, etc.) that we will never buy unless it is free. Yes, completely free. I won't even pay 50cents for $8-$10 makeup, because I would rather wait and get it free! :P

Overall the time invested has great dividends, and while it feels like we are getting a TON of stuff, we have not exceeded our "normal" monthly grocery bill.
And I am very picky about what scissors I use. Only the ones that fit my hand nicely! :P

SO

On to the first part of the title of this post:
I hate viruses. My computer was recently stricken by some sort of virus that masqueraded as a "security" device and virus scan. As I kept exiting the annoying pop-up windows (I was not aware that it was a virus at the time), it began opening windows on Internet Explorer for online sites. (I am a Firefox user, even though IE has caught up with the tabs, etc.)

I finally realized it was a virus when the computer would suddenly shut off, and when it would sit on a boot-up page for an hour before finally turning on.
*insert me rolling my eyes

My dear, amazing, (sometimes?) gentlemanly, debonair, and kind older brother promptly took (my/his) computer to wherever he was going where he gutted it, and began to try to fix the hard drive. When that did not work (I cannot remember all the things he tried to do, it was as much as I could do to try not to laugh when he said he tried to install windows XP onto his tumbdrive) he then replaced the harddrive (ie. got a whole new one) and rebooted all the necessities and handed me a brand spanking clean laptop. :D

SO, hopefully from now on I shall have more consistent and faster blogposts!

Anguish

2010-01-15T16:30:00.001-05:00

This definitely moved me. Pleas pass it on if it moves you. May the match of concern turn into the smoldering coal of anguish...

Farm Show!!!!

2010-01-15T01:10:00.002-05:00

Yes, we got another blue ribbon!!!!

Verse for the day:

2010-01-08T02:23:00.002-05:00

Therefore strengthen the hands which hang down, and the feeble knees....(Heb. 12)

Yeah...so I forgot to take medicine again today!
I went to bed after 3 am (I don't know exactly) and woke up again to visit an elderly widowed neighbor lady who enjoys talking to someone (Anyone, really...I am just more available). I set my phone alarm for 12 noon, because I figured 2 hours was all I could spare.

When the alarm rang, she decided it was lunch time, and enjoyed detailing her fiasco with a dumb cop and PenDot, and how she was going to have her license taken away unless she took a repeat physical, and tests, etc. Before I knew it it was 1pm.

I basically drove home as fast as I could, and then I had to get ready for Square Dance (last practice before Dress Rehersal) in less than 20 minutes. Of course I forgot to take my meds!

SO....I was doing mostly ok, until the 5th dance (which I won't be dancing, but Mr. Prosser wants us to be fluent in all the dances and calls, and to help set and example for the younger kids.

There I was, the dance was almost over....and as I am twirling around to promenade I step on the edge of the guy's foot (with my left foot) and land on it the wrong way. As a quick stab of pain shoots up my knee, I am propelled around the circle back to home. As the dance goes into the final bars, I flatly refuse to dance. I sat down for as long as I could, but as every person is entirely necessary.....I HAD to dance!!!!

Can anyone spell: PAIN?!?!

I was completely preoccupied for the next 7 rounds (we repeated that song 3 more times, the next song 3 times, and the last song 2 or 3 times...). I moved as little as possible and sat down and elevated it as much as modestly possible.
By the last two dances I was no longer feeling as much (probbably due to a brain overload!) and I was able to jaoke and make fun of everyone.

Back at home I laid down for about 10 minutes and was limping for the rest of the night (pain sensors tunred back on!). I finally took pain medication so that I would be abe to sleep.

Oh, these feeble knees!

Job 42:5-6

2010-01-01T01:53:00.000-05:00

My ears had heard of you but now my eyes have seen you.
Therefore I despise myself and repent in dust and ashes.

Mishmash

2009-12-30T00:53:00.002-05:00

The moon is full for the next few days.
"Wishing You Were Somehow Here Again" is my top song
It is that time of year again.

I am glad to say that (probably due to not-thinking-about-it, or complete exhaustion (my mom keeps complaining about the dark circles under my eyes), or other-more-emotionally-draining issues) I am not as depressed as I was last year.
I even smiled at the moon tonight.

"Well it's a marvelous night for a moon-dance, with the stars up above in your eyes..."
Oh, and I like that movie.

Yet, for all the pretending and rutting-out-of-mind, deep in the pit of my stomach I know how hard it will be....

Update on...

2009-12-24T00:16:00.003-05:00

Update on the hip, and elbow, and... well, just watch out for ice, okay? I am hurting just about all over my right side. My praise is that it was not my left side. If my left leg had been the one to slide out I would probably be incapacitated still instead of bruised and aching.

Life so far: Update on the knee and hair

2009-12-19T15:27:00.005-05:00

I have been absent again, but I had an enforced computer absence for other reasons. *grimace*

The turkey "holy-days" were grueling as far as constant movement and standing. My knee was in pretty fragile condition after them. The food was plentiful, but I found that I could not eat as much as I might have. Baking takes away my appetite. BUT, I did snack on cookies for the next 3 weeks!

Life these days is all-or-nothing. One day will be a complete drag, with nothing going on and nothing significant to do, and the next is full-throttle all day. Then comes weeks like this week, where Monday was blah, and then from Tuesday afternoon until Thursday night I had enough time to breate, but not to shower. (I curled and hair-sprayed my hair on Tue, and then had to make it do until Th. night. I couldn't brush out the spray, and I didn't have time for a shower! The curls had melted by 11pm anyway, so I was left with a "beach"shag that melted and frizzed anytime I tried to "do" something with it. Maybe this is what "afro" hair feels like?) I but on a self-made-crocheted beret on Wed, which may or may not have helped anything, and on Th, I put it in a ponytail and tired a western hat to hide the grease.
Moving on--------

My knee has also been in high demand for our weekply Square Dance sessions in preparation for the PA Farm Show competition being held Jan. 11th. For the first time in 3 years (as long as I have been with this group) and for the first time in....well....as long as anyone else can remember--there have been more guys than girls. Even some of the girls who dance (or prefer to dance) in the "boy" position (it does not really matter, as long as they use thier hands right) have had to switch over. Therefore, I have to dance all the time, every dance, whereas I had been able to sit out when not needed previously (I am a good 2 years older than most of the kids, so I come in as a "helper" when necessary). Last week I took medecine and danced without consequences (so I thought). Then, as I lay down to sleep, the medecine had had time to wear off, and my knee began to inform me of the drastic things I required of it...
Lets just say I slept fitfully that night.

This week.....I forgot to take anything. And I was a suddenly a very akward dancer. Besides being careful about what moves to make on dances that I was woefully unfamiliar with. Not only are there a whole bunch of new people (which can be good), but most of the new people are very young children who did not learn calls, or missed beginning weeks, or mixed up the calls, or forgot them since. This makes for some really messy squares. AND most of all, it makes for super slow weeks. Up until this week we had not done all the dances in a row...and this week was filled with mistakes and re-teaching easy stuff (a slide-through? OK, so I admit I was the one getting this wrong, but I had never danced slide-though boy, before!!) , and finally giving up on the break square (where everyone whi is NOT dancing this time dances to keep up on what is going on).

Today there is a big snow, which cancels the party I was supposed to be going to.
It is now scheduled for the 9th. Which speaking of boring-and-then-full-throttle...I have something going on then. And on the 10th is a final practice, and the 11th is the Farm Show....
Pass the Ibuprofen!

Monologue

2009-12-07T01:43:00.006-05:00

It is late.
I have been up late for a couple nights now... just burning time.
Sometimes I wonder to myself why I am so careless with the only irreplaceable commodity. But then I realize that I have grown callused. In the midst of my search for life, in the day-to-day-ness of completing the tasks set before me-my calling-I have allowed depression to have some parts of my life. It can so easily numb you to things that you don't really want to have to think about right now, or to things you might want to forget.

I don't want this. I don't want to be sitting alone staring at a computer screen looking for some flash of interesting light, a message from a friend, or some random detail of fact or science.

With New Years staring me in the face, I made a vow to go back....the day that changes 2011 into 2012 I will be there. (this has nothing to do with any current trend, or the movie)
Right now that seems like a big goal....and a nearly impossible one, but I know it will be the next step. God's process of changing me has really taught me a lot about me, and about him.

Me:
I really don't like change. I also don't like where I am. I am a stubborn and ungrateful wretch. I am also a reluctant student. But when I finally see I can't wait to learn more. I have never had such a mix of joy and peace in my entire life.

I can know His will. I know it sounds presumptuous, but I am come to realize that when I need to know what to do, He shows me. It is as simple as that. Ever since NC I have been assured of His voice.

Him:
He really had things under control. (Seriously, if I did not have complete confidence that GOD is completely 100% sovereign and in control of EVERYTHING I would probably not be alive today. Without this there is no reason to live. No surety. No rest. And most of all--no peace.)

He loves me sooooooo much. I know it sounds cheesy. I know it sounds cliche. Have you ever allowed yourself to see that it is true? What is love? I still have VERY little idea. I throw the word love around a lot lately. I have decided to not use it any more unless in moments of utter seriousness and commitment. What is love? It is bleeding on that cross.

I matter. Why is this under God? Because I matter to Him. A lot of self-acceptance issues and worries really melt away when you have value to someone. His care for little things so many times has completely floored me. Almost like roses or poems, He reminds me that I matter. That He has special things for me (and only me) to accomplish for Him. Everything I have gone through is validated. It mattered. It affected me. It shaped me (yes, it cut and bruised me). It caused me to look to Him, to look for Him, to cling to Him.

“I cannot endure that the soul should fall back upon aught else but myself with joy and pleasure, so I block up all roads with thorns; I stop up all gaps with hardships, and, lest it should escape me, I strew its way with suffering.”

Hosea 2:14 "Therefore I ....will bring her into the wilderness,
And speak comfort to her...."

It is late. I have been up late for a couple night now....sometimes I am learning, sometimes I am defeated by self-pity and depression. Other nights, like tonight, I know that people are praying for me. I know that there is reason in what is going on and beauty unfolding.
I can trust.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J-nJ3GYw11w

2009-11-28T22:09:00.000-05:00

A video/piece of music that is ministering to me lately:

Isaiah 57:15

2009-11-18T13:48:00.001-05:00

For thus says the High and Lofty One
Who inhabits eternity, whose name is Holy:

“ I dwell in the high and holy place,
With him who has a contrite and humble spirit,
To revive the spirit of the humble,
And to revive the heart of the contrite ones.

Expectations:

2009-11-15T00:01:00.001-05:00

But perhaps I should call this post: Standards.

Different ages and societies have different expectations or standards that they impose upon their members. Those who care, but do not conform, live a lifetime of guilt-ridden emotion. “If only I tried harder”. “Maybe if I did this...” “I heard that someone tried this and it worked for them...”

These expectations/standards are not necessarily negative, but they give a culture its unique addition to the diversity that abounds in the world.

The problems come when this diversity is looked down upon within a society. One of the most difficult expectations that I think young women come up against in modern American society is the expectation of size. I am not even referring to the modeling or movie industry (although it is quite plausible that they have added to the stigma of being large).

Throughout my life, I have been larger than most of those who surround me. When I was 9 I began growing to about the height I am now (save two or so inches) and by 11 an older boy from the youth group was calling me a “Mighty Meaty Hotdog” after a TV commercial advertising a larger brand of said foodstuff than had every been on the market. I was a rather naive 11 year old, and I would respond by calling him “Mr. Juicy Fruit” (as in the chewing gum). In being naive, I was spared so much of what could have hurt me deeply in his words.

However, one cannot stay a child forever. I soon became conscious of my proportions as compared to those who surrounded me. I was unsure of how (or what) to change, though. The fact is that I could not change. It was healthy for me to be that size according to how my bone structure and build had been created by God. I was not overeating, and I was eating healthy, wholesome foods.

When I was 14, our family moved o America, and I gained 40lbs in two months just from the diet changes. I was suddenly even more conscious of skinny American girls with make-uped complexions and slim legs. I spent my own money to try to “fix” and “help” myself. I regulated as much as I could think of. I tried my hardest to “be beautiful”.

Then came a day I will remember for the rest of my life. My grandmother, who is similar to me in height, structure and much else was visiting when I explained to her my most recent endeavors to change myself to fit the expectations of my age. She, who had struggled similarly her whole entire life, looked me straight in the eye and said: “Stop it! Stop!!! You will never look like them!! You will never be able to be like them!”. She was weeping as she spoke. She knew what her words would do to me, and she said them out of a pure love for me, and a concern for my future life and well being.

I was not able to assimilate her wisdom, though, and for a couple years still attempted to fit into the standards set by our society. I was not unhealthy, and I did not gain more weight, but I could not loose what I had.

What kind of a society sets numbers as a precedent for beauty? BMI can be ******, and so can scales. How reasonable is it to say “...up to this number you are appealing, and no further?”

It has not been until recently that I have been able to raise my hands to God and say in full surrender: “You are to be praised for creating me how I am”. I am truly grateful for His grace in allowing me to live and use this body that He has given me for His glory. I am fully persuaded that the size I am now is His will. If it were better for me to glorify him weighing 10 or 50 pounds less: then I would not be the size that I am.

“Exercise” does not create a better person. Eating less does not create a more holy person. Weighing only 120 lbs does not make a more beautiful person. It only makes you anorexic.

My grandmother is probbably the wisest woman I know. She has had to suffer much from the expectations of society as a whole and the people who surround her who think they know better than God how large her proportions or how heavy her tread..

And to those people in my life: Go talk to God. Tell him what weight you think He should make me and see if He agrees with you. I am only His bondservant.

soli Deo gloria

Job 23:13-16

2009-10-26T21:46:00.001-04:00

¹³ “But He is unique, and who can make Him change?
And whatever His soul desires, that He does.

¹⁴ For He performs what is appointed for me,
And many such things are with Him.

¹⁵ Therefore I am terrified at His presence;
When I consider this, I am afraid of Him.

¹⁶ For God made my heart weak,
And the Almighty terrifies me;

*********ALL CELEBRATE FOR MY 300th POST!!!!!

Not a Tame Lion

2009-10-10T20:06:00.005-04:00

The C.S.Lewis quote has been echoing in my mond so often recently that it strikes me as a mantra.
Found in The Last Battle, they say: "Is it not told in all the old stories that He is not a tame lion...."

As far as I have known/been taught there are certain boxes and categories, and even those who decry these labels are called "non-conformist".

Even God has certain limits and things that are not done.

For instance: God speaking

God does not speak. It is a given in my circle. People who claim visions or extra-biblical revelation are written off as some sort of unbiblical/unscholarly imaginer.

Yet: He is not a tame lion

I myself once experienced God in a way not in order with my theological persuasions. I was at first completely unsure of how to communicate it. (I also at first completely doubted that it WAS God)
I then did not want to tell anyone lest I meet with lectures or a reputation as someone who was easily swayed by emtional teaching. I refused for some time to accept my own analysis of the place and situation.

However, the fact remained: God had spoken.

Over and over in the past year and 5 months He has affirmed to me that it was Him, and what He said has been affirmed as many times. Since Journey I have had a new clarity of insight, and I also place greater emphasis on Lewis' insight. God does not do boxes. God is so beyond the boxes of "conformity" or "non-conformity" that it isn't even logical to deal with Him on that sphere. One of the most authentic people I know "speaks" ("" is for those of you shaking your heads right now) with God.
(Also, the generic label of "speaking" is a human term which is not able to describe things not on a human realm)

Dear readers: Do not put human insight above God. Do not doubt, O you of little faith.

God Bless 1984

2009-10-09T10:47:00.008-04:00

by Lee Greenwood

If tomorrow all the things were gone,
I’d worked for all my life.
And I had to start again,
with just my children and my wife.

I’d thank my lucky stars,
to be livin here today.
‘Cause the flag still stands for freedom,
and they can’t take that away.

And I’m proud to be an American,
where at least I know I’m free.
And I wont forget the men who died,
who gave that right to me.

And I gladly stand up,
next to you and defend her still today.
‘Cause there ain’t no doubt I love this land,
God bless the USA.

From the lakes of Minnesota,
to the hills of Tennessee.
Across the plains of Texas,
From sea to shining sea.

From Detroit down to Houston,
and New York to L.A.
Well there's pride in every American heart,
and its time we stand and say.

That I’m proud to be an American,
where at least I know I’m free.
And I wont forget the men who died,
who gave that right to me.

And I gladly stand up,
next to you and defend her still today.
‘Cause there ain’t no doubt I love this land,
God bless the USA.

Now, those of you who know me are probably wondering why I am putting up a song like this. And dear readers (brownie points for you!!!) who remember my remake a while back are REALLY skeptical as to what is coming next.

First off, I have never felt the patriotic frenzy whipped up in me when they strike up the last verse. It reminds me of the proles in 1984...how they could be roused to patriotism whenever the moment was needed.

Second, it is not only blatantly false, but extremely manipulative of facts as well.

????

Let me explain.

1: Rights are given by GOD!!!

Yeah, you know that already. But how many of you have ever winced at this line?

"..... the men who died, who gave that right to me...."

2: Being naive about the character of politicians won't help you at all.

Ex: "the flag...stands for freedom...they can't take...away"

3:"at least I know I'm free"

If that is all you really care about (and if you call what we have currently [current = since the Great Rooseveltpression] freedom) then go live in the USSR. They were free too...to obey.

4: Being politically correct doesn't hurt either. All the politicians really need is a whole lot of bodies to make their point. If necessary, the singers of this song bind themselves to also take the bullets for the laws and treaties the politicians find expedient to their pockets. "...gladly stand up...today..."

(Note: I am sure if they looked up the meaning of "defend" {anyone hearing 1984 here again?} and stuck to it they would also protest all wars and "wars" since the American conquest of Mexico --ie. Where Andy Jackson got his Generalship)

(Note: the War of 1812 is an exception)

So....when I hear people singing or speaking of this song....I sit and muse with a bitter and amused smile on my face....it's tripleplusgood duckspeak and that is a fact

Jouney Part I

2009-10-07T21:13:00.003-04:00

I am posting these in backwards order so that those who are reading have only to scroll down. I think always of ease of reading and understanding for my readers. ;)

Part I—
I am sure some of you know, but for those of you who don’t, I was away from home the last two-ish weeks visiting friends across the nation and attending a “camp” type program called Journey to the Heart. I hesitate to call it a “camp” because it is far more serious and deals with deeper issues than any other summer camp program I have heard of. It’s whole purpose is to help you seek God “with all your heart, soul, and mind.” It is through IBLP (if any of you have heard of Bill Gothard, or the ATI homeschooling program).

We (all attendees) arrived Saturday around noon, and before dinner attended a staff meeting where we listened to testimonies and began our Journey. (Mr. Gothard loves testimonies) A group of VIP ladies from Romania (the head of all the public schools, and another lady who was in the upper circle) spoke shortly (through a translator) about how they had been implementing things from the Basic Seminar and how they were going to work on translating and producing Mr. Gothard’s new “Lies We Believe” booklet for use in the public schools.
Sunday we went to a church service, and then we fasted over lunch (fasting from breakfast was optional, and we were informed ahead that fasting was planned) and listened to Mr. Gothard speak about things we were going to learn, or need, or find helpful.
Sunday night we watched an episode of the Duggar family’s Discovery TV program (they are an ATI family, and 4 of their oldest girls were in one team), and listened to further testimonies.
Monday we all dressed in our green shirts (or pink or white, depending on what team you were on) and had a final meeting with all the staff. A man who was translating the Basic Seminar into Arabic (yes, and working through all the different language groups/dialects involved) gave a testimony about his life as an oil worker. He was a pretty dynamic guy. Oil worker, bible college student, etc.
We then spent about 45 minutes out in the wind (it was not only cold, but overcast and windy) while chairs and sheets were set up, and while we were arranges, re-arranged, and arranged again for a group picture. I am not with my team, because my knee could not maneuver into the highly akward kneeling/sitting/twisted position necessary to be on the front row. Three of my group were eventually moved to the back row, and two of the other green team moved to the front row.
We then piled into vans and headed out on an 8 hour excursion up past Chicago, through Wisconsin, and finally to Watersmeet, MI. The Northwoods Conference Center is a lovely piece of ground owned by IBLP, which was redeemed from a past of Indian ritual and spiritism. Also, many of the Journey retreats find that cleansing from sin and finding freedom is something Satan fights against. It later became known that one of the girls had a family history of (and she herself used to dabble in) witchcraft. I became speedily inducted into a life of extreme spiritual warfare which I had not exactly believed existed. Many girls were sick, or felt like they were about to get sick. Much of the leaders times together was praying for their teams and binding the powers of iniquity (so we were told). I was pretty scared for a while. One of the girls on my team had a dark shape visit her every night for years. She could point to a spot in her room where it stood. Once, when I was writing out questions I had and issues I was working through, I began shaking. This had happened to me previously this year, and it usually became debilitating to the extent that I could no longer write. I asked Libby if it was because of bitterness in me, or anger, or some fear, and she figured it was an attack. When I write out things it helps me be able to process them more thoroughly, and it also gets them off of the slow-burner in the back of my mind. Libby said that it must be an attack to try to keep me stewing over them, or to keep my mind busy. That really got me scared, but I prayed (out loud) that Satan be bound, and the shaking slowly stopped. I am still scared by that. It did happen again twice, but when I prayed—it would stop.
Oh, and the part about being busy in your mind: The day that happened was Thursday; The Day of Delighting in the Lord. It was a day of fasting and searching out the scriptures. There was a big emphasis on quieting of the mind and being silent. Waiting for God. Really waiting. I have been working on that on the train and since I came home. It really is an exercise!! It is absurd how many things you remember when you try to be still. Peace, my soul, be still.

Journey Part II

2009-10-07T21:12:00.002-04:00

Part II—
My knee had not given me trouble until Thursday night. We were praying for one of our team (all of us circled around her) when one girl stood up, tripped over my foot, and fell on my knee with most of her weight. Yeah. I don’t think I screamed, but I sure felt like it. I kept it elevated and took pain medicine…and prayer. Babying it kept me in fine shape for the rest of the trip. God was good!

We worked through the material slowly. On Thursday, the material about the Day of Delight was on page 91 onward. We were then around page 32. Our leader said that (technically) we should be doing it faster, but it did not matter. Instead of flipping pages, we were really cleaning our hearts. Times of discussion about the course material would turn into times of questions, and times of confession of sin, and times of prayer for one another. One by one, we stripped off part, and then all of our various masks. ( the “Perfect ATI girl” mask, and the “Holy and Spiritual Christian” mask, and the “I Am So Strong” mask…to name a few) On Friday, the beloved visionary of our team lead us in a time of confessing the various iniquities that our families passed down to us, and other sins that we had ignored, or buried, or refused to confess. During the week, as we listened to speakers, or as we read through the course material, different areas of my “heart” would begin aching, or throbbing. It was the strangest sensation. Almost as if God was touching the sin-stained area and scrubbing away all the filth. By Friday, I had dealt with a lot of the larger issues either privately with God, or during our study of the different “bad hearts”. However, I could still feel areas that were dirty. As we confessed to one-another, we all broke out in tears. We all got on our knees (some of us on our faces) and we cried out to God for forgiveness and cleansing. We prayed “in one-accord” for about two hours. We prayed for eachother, for our families, for our nation, for others, for a sudden, painful attack of TMJ that hit our visionary sister (as we prayed the pain subsided), and our own sin-stained hearts. I have never known 10 strangers so well as I did those girls. In those hours of prayer and couple hours of confession, we became a family. We could say anything. Our deepest darkest secrets and sins. It was so freeing. We loved and were loved with forgiveness from God and eachother. I arose from there with a perfectly clean heart. It was the strangest feeling in the entire world. To be empty inside. To not feel angry or guilty or hurt. Things that have happened to me, people who have hurt me, I still remember those events, but God (in His awesome and overwhelming Grace) took away the pain. I can acknowledge the damaging things that they did to me, but those events no longer hold me captive.
Lest you should think I now am perfect, please do not presume. I did get angry at someone just the next day for not being considerate about my knee. Anger and nasty comments poured out of my mouth. Then it came to me: “…Out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks.” I suddenly stopped in my tracks. Here my new heart was filled with anger. I had to completely stop and ask God for forgiveness. I am still a sinner. My mind would still like to get up on the throne and tell me what is good for me. Tell me what I deserve. Tell me my rights have been trampled on. It is astounding to me to see how many times I need to re-clean out my heart. I have found though, that although I am a sinner, I now much more in tune with what is going on in my heart. I can understand why I am angry and give my expectations to God. I can stop it before it turns to bitterness. It is wonderful.

Journey Part III

2009-10-07T21:11:00.002-04:00

Part III—
Saturday was our “sleep in” day. I was sick. I finally found the strength to get up at about 9 in the morning. I was ready, however, when the breakfast van came by, which some of us hadn’t taken showers yet, or were in the middle of one. (yikes)
I find it amazing. Almost all of us girls came with some measure of trepidation about “perfect ATI girls” or just “girls” in particular. I was not looking forward to having to explain being an MK to a bunch of “wow, I care SOOO much” homeschoolers....who would all have wonderful Gothard families and look like all-American-girl dolls.
Yet, each of us eventually let down our barriers, and we realized that we all had the same fear of eachother....and IT WASN’T TRUE!!
Good is just amazing!!
Well, Saturday we finished up a “personality test” DVD that we had begun watching during the week, and did some tests to determine “love language” and then we went to Bond Falls. Bond Falls is not as amazing as some waterfalls I have been to, but it is lovely to be sure. However, it has some nasty terrain!! My knee worked through it slowly, and by the grace of God I did not die from drinking stream water (thank you Dearest for the pain pills) or from falling/slipping/etc which was a dire possibility.
Got some lovely pictures!
That night we asked if any of the other teams had experienced the same as we did, and we were told some of the info I wrote above, and other things. We all felt very burdened for the other teams, and decided to wake up early to pray for them.

Sunday we woke up around 4:30 in the morning. Yes, 4 AM. We cleaned the gatehouse from cellar to dome (neither of which it had, but the thought counts), and prayed for the other teams, and spent some last moments in our lovely home before rushing to eat and rushing to leave. We drove back to Hinsdale, and I slept most of the time...at least that is how it felt. I honestly don’t remember...so I must have been asleep. Most of the time I was awake I was ruminating over what to share as a testimony (Mr. Gothard loves testimonies) and praying for the other teams. Our visionary sister was given a dream/vision (burden) for (a) girl or girls who had still not confessed or dealt with things. She saw them halfway between the platform (to give their testimony) and the door (to leave without changing) and it really weighed on her. We all prayed right outside the door to the Staff Meeting room, and Libby asked Mr. Gothard if we could recite I Cor which we had memorized. We had planned on being the first ones to give testimonies, but two other girls stood up almost right away and said a few short words. We arranged ourselves in verse order and gave testimonies in reverse-verse order because we got mixed up. It was interesting how we were (I think) the only group to all give testimonies. I had written out a slew of ideas and things to say, and had written out 5 pages of thoughts. I ended up sharing very little of any of that. What I did say I felt (afterwards) could have been better, or more of this-or-that, or more moving, or more about specific things that helped me....but everyone said that I said what was “me” and that it had been really good. In fact, most of the girls felt that they did not say what they had planned, or felt that their testimonies were lacking....but we all agreed that they had been very good, very helpful and right on the mark. That is when amazing visionary said “Hey, girls, remember we were praying that the Spirit would speak through us...His words and not our own? That is what happened....” We did not give or say what we had wanted/thought with our feeble intellects was the best, or most holy or most hard-hitting thing, but we were His vessels, and we spoke His words. When we all finished, and we recited our 3 verses, the line for testimonies had tripled, and four girls had come up to our visionary and said “Was it me? Because I felt you were talking to me.” She said that she did not know who it was, but that God was the one working and God had given her the burden. She prayed with each of them, and she said that once she had given her testimony, she felt the burden lifted. Not that there was no need for those 4 girls, but that it was not her burden anymore, but God’s. God had given it to her, and she had used it, and now it was up to Him again.
Testimonies continued until lunch break on Monday. Mr. Gothard said (at least a half-dozen times) that he had never heard a Journey with such powerful testimonies. Libby told us a couple times that he was being truthful about it too. She said some Journeys came and went with only a couple testimonies, or testimonies about water-tubing instead of sin-confessing. Nearly every team had two or three girls speak, and about 3 teams had most (or all?) of their girls say something.
Monday was a mixture of speakers and sessions about different things. It was definitely a trying day for me as I struggled with dashed hopes in an area, and disappointment, and my expectations of certain people (I thought they promised something, but they never fulfilled what they said) made me hold a grudge. Tuesday I was hit by such an attack that I could not move from the couch. I said some rather angry and depressing and hurt things. In fact, I was powerless until two girls finally got down beside me and prayed. Then I suddenly realized what I was doing (holding a grudge of expectations, being depressed). I was able (after they prayed) to see what was going on. I rebuked Satan for poisoning my mind, and I prayed and forgave the people for not following through, and I gave God my expectations. Afterwards I was my cheerful self again, and I was definitely scared again by what was going on. This spiritual-warfare stuff is freaky, guys!!
Tuesday right after lunch I was driven to the train station, where after a few hugs and a prayer, I boarded the Metra and headed away to Chicago. Once there, I got my tickets paid for (staying an extra day was a blessing, although an expensive one), I was able to check in my big bag, and I headed out into the Windy City to see some sights before 6pm.

As I was meandering outside Union Station, I was once again accosted (not in a bad sense) by a “black angel” as I had begun calling them. Seriously. Random black guys with a degree of ragged clothing who know directions to everywhere and are more than willing to help you. Anyway, this one was selling newspapers and I didn’t have any spare change, so we just traded information. (Note: in Chicago, people who are used to walking tend to underestimate distances) He told me that Pacific Garden Mission (home of “Unshackled” Radio programs) was about 4 blocks down from the station. I had wanted to go there/visit/have a tour, so I headed off and walked four blocks. I had to ask a lady in a store then, because I was told “you can’t miss it”. She said it was down four MORE blocks....which was more like 6 and a half. BUT ANYWAY, I got there and a very active and cheerful lady (I believe the only white lady in the entire building) gave me a personal and interesting tour. She loved the fact that I used to listen to “Unshackled” in the Philippines, and even walked me to the bus stop two and a half blocks away. Then, a very trendily dressed white lady helped me get directions to Chicago and LaSalle street by the subway, and I then (with directions from another black angel) headed down about 4 blocks to Moody Bible Institute Campus, where I spent about an hour with a friend. Yes, my knee was not very happy, but I was able to sit down for a part of that time. Interesting thing, though, was that my shoulder actually hurt a LOT more than my knee. Lugging around books and all the extra weight over 50lbs from your big suitcase is NOT something I would suggest to any compadres on a walking tour.

SO, I got back to Union Station right around 6pm when the sun was setting, and I wandered around the food court for some time trying to find a cheap, yet tasteful sustenance besides the water and chips that I had stashed in my bag. The Pitts station sure doesn’t have any available food, and I would need something before my 19 hour trip was over. I finally picked up some bread sticks from the little Pizza Hut, and boarded the train just as it was announced for boarding. While the train from Pitts to Chicago was mostly empty, the train from Chicago to Pitts (to Washington DC, actually) was reserved seating only. I had a seatmate, but I was so tired that I fell asleep almost right away. It was a little less cold with a packed train, and I had on extra layers, but sleeping in a small seat is always uncomfortable. My neck was all cramped up when we got to Pitts at 5 in the morning. I then wrote in my Journey Journal until 7am when the train to Harrisburg came ready. I was able to get a row of seats, but my things also cramped me...and I slept there again (Note: Dear readers—never set good intentions when you travel). I woke up about 30 minutes away and my shoulder finally stopped being numb from carrying my huge bag and sleeping in a twisted up position....ouch.
It was good to get pushed and pulled in every direction my silly siblings when I got out to the car, and to hear their chatter and find out about all the new scrapes and bumps and bruises they had received since I was gone. I had intended to sleep and unpack, but as life in this family would go—my grandparents on my mothers side were driving up from Virginia the next day and food and a room had to be prepared for them...as well as all the chores that had fallen by the wayside when I was not there to do them....
That night I stayed up until 1:30 in the morning trying to figure out whether I wanted to be involved in a drama camp in the area, and figuring out details to a TeenPact alumni event.
Thursday we all went out (missing the first Square Dance Practice of the season) to audition, chess class and a Constitution Class. We got home about 10 minutes before the Grandparents walked in the door. I was then up until about 12:30 typing out the beginnings of this whole thingymabobber.

Trip

2009-09-17T17:32:00.003-04:00

So, I left PA around two in the afternoon. The train to Pittsburg was FREEZING COLD. I worked on a project and tried to avoid the urge to pull out a heavy sweater from my bag (and thus rearrange the entire thing.....).

I then spent 4 hours in a Pitts. train station (It was supposed to be 3, but the train was an hour late... hoorah) trying to stay awake. I read some, listened to Philippians in Cebuano, and ate a lot of my snacks.

Around 1 am I finally got settled in the train and tried to sleep. Once again, it was cold. It was much warmer than the first train, but it was NOT warm enough to sleep. I finally went down (yes, it was a nice double-decker train!!) to the bottom of the train and pulled out my blanket. It took a while to get warm enough, but I finally found a comfortable position, and fell asleep.
I woke up around 8 am (7 am then.... I love crossing time zones!), and saw the flat, very brown plains of Indiana crawling by. Quite literally, we were not going much faster than 60 mph....

Around 10...errr I mean....9 we arrived in Chicago. I then realized that I had completely forgotten the name of the road I needed to walk down to reach the Metra Station. I tried calling for help, but somehow my need got misinterpreted, and the noise made it more than hard to understand everything. I finally found a map and headed out into the street. However, the road around Sears (now Willis) Tower was closed, so I headed out and around it....ho-rah again....

I rested for a time when I got half-way, and then pushed. My knee did hurt. My hand hurt more, though from pulling my big huge bag! I got to the station, and my friend picked me up and I am now spending two days with her! I think that I would hate college...and probably dorm life in its entirety. I don't really mind it right now, but I think living for some time like this would drive me insane. lol Random observation of the day.

On the bright side (watch for the pun) I got to sit for about an hour out in the bright sunshine....which was wonderful. Being warm all over....after freezing on trains and having a 20 degree drop in temperature from the summer highs.
Oh, and thanks to the random college guy who walked by who was talking to his friend. He says that it will not get above 80 degrees anymore this year.... Can I die already?)

Tomorrow I head north to catch a dear family for about 24 hours before I head to Hinsdale for Journey to the heart. Later this afternoon---Photoshoot!!!!

Update

2009-09-10T19:57:00.004-04:00

My knee was improving.
I hardly ever felt it.
I could climb up and down chairs, lift, carry, and stand for longer and longer periods of time.

THEN

One night, around 4 in the morning, I woke (for only the second time in my life, I think, and both since that knee injury) with severe cramps in my left calf. It didn't last long, but it felt like forever. the next two days I limped around (and drove the car up and down the Eastern Continental Divide) and hoped that it would subside.

It did....somewhat....and then got progressively worse and worse.

I confess that I cannot really remember how much it hurt me when I was first injured. As I can remember, I rated it below my Staff Infections and above...well...moving on!

So, based on that forgetfulness, I am trying to discern whether it is not hurting/impairing my abilities more than it did originally. I will feel a "tingle" when it is about to really hurt, and right about then the wisest thing to do is sit down. I found out yesterday (last night) (previous to this I had always sat down soon) that ignoring that has serious consequences.
I was "Squeezo Straining" our latest batch of Roma tomatoes, when I felt that tingle. Now, it is not easily seen through the link, but the Squeezo clamps onto the side of a table, and you turn the crank-handle to squish the pulp and juice out of the tomato and the large screw pulls the skins and seeds out the other end. Standing is necessary. Standing is incumbent upon being able to push/turn this thing. Also, I didn't want to stop and do this at a later. It was late, I was tried....I wanted to finish this thing.

So, I stayed standing, and kept on squeezo-ing these tomatoes.

In time, the tingling turns to pain, and the pain shoots up and down my leg, and then my whole calf muscle starts cramping. I try to ignore this. I can handle pain. I shifted all my weight onto my right leg (which overcompensating in the past has made my right leg hurt almost as bad as my left.
It doesn't stop. I finally have to take a break and sit down, doubled over, trying to massage my calf/knee trying to make it stop hurting. When it did, I stood back up and finished....only, this whole cramping thing happened again.

My leg was really mad at me all of last night. I had it elevated, and I stayed up late hoping that it would subside enough (I hate trying to fall asleep with my knee elevated!!!) so that I could sleep. I finally got in bed around 2:30 in the morning, and the little tingle pains played tag all up and down my leg until I fell asleep.

I am wondering: What DID I do to my leg!! I went to see a doctor, who basically told me that it could not be an ACL tear...even though I heard a "pop", because I was not incapacitated... and that only an X-ray could really tell what I HAD done.

I am leaving to spend about 2 weeks in Chicago, visiting friends and going to a camp/seminar, in less than a week. That necessitates carrying my bags, hopping on and off trains, and walking around a good deal.
I really don't have time to get a doctor's appointment in....should I push for it? What could it tell me that would help me? Could they solve it in any way other than "take this pill" or "stay off your feet"?
Should I go and hope that pain medication can get me through (which is what doctors might prescribe)? Should I go, but cut back on anything that is not essential?

The Complete Opposite

2009-09-09T00:20:00.002-04:00

I would really like to know why young (particularly unmarried) females always get told that their worst nightmare will surely happen to them?

I am sure you know what I mean.

I have often noted (out loud) things that I dislike and/or abhor in people or things.

Without fail (try it sometime!!!) some person in my family or surrounding will point out to me (in the most serious tone of voice) how I should not say/think such things.

Why?

Because (so they say) "Just watch! You are going to marry someone who is a _______ or who does ______ (that thing which you abhor or dislike)
Yes, dear friends: I am most definitely doomed to marry a math-loving, semi-truck-driving, chemistry-and-physics whiz husband.

I am sorry, but I have forgotten the other sure traits that I have been bound to.

Anyone with the said qualifications, please feel free to call me!

Seriously, now! Why is it that when a person dislikes or does not appreciate certain things, she is told that she must marry/be eternally bound to that exact thing? Would it not make more sense for her to choose someone who would not annoy/scare her? (yes, semi-trucks are scary!!! VERY scary!!!!)

While I do have a list of "Things-I-Want-In-A-Future-Husband", they do NOT include math, semi-trucks, or the deeper realms of physics, chemistry, or complicated formulas and x-y-m equations. If you would like to marry me and have an overwhelming love for those areas.....well.....I can't promise anything, but I would like to warn you in the beginning you have a handicap to overcome!

Yard Sale thoughts

2009-09-09T00:05:00.003-04:00

Over Labor Day weekend, we had a yard sale, trying to rid ourselves of excess clothing and other items, and I assisted in tending to the customers.

One such lady was asking questions and pawing through piles of books and toys, when she turned to me and said:
"Are you a christian girl?"
Hesitant to accept an oftentimes questionable label, and not wanting to ask her her definition, I asked her to repeat it, hoping to acertain her meaning from her tone.
"Are you a Christian girl?" She said again, with a tone like one would use when asking about an "American Girl" doll.
"Yeees...." I said slowly, then smiled brightly, hoping I hadn't just done something rather stupid.
"I could tell" she blurted out quickly
"Huh?" (she did talk in short fast bursts....)
"I knew you were. Your face"
"My face?"
"Your countenance"
(I knew then she had at least SOME Biblical knowledge)
"Oh........thank you......"

At this point in time she began telling me about her family, and the dreadful state of affairs she found to be her lot in life. Her son had gotten 3 young ladies with child (so far-- she added. Me: !!!!!!!!!!!) and her daugter (saved at two and went to Sunday School all her life) was now a drug addict/agnostic/complete rebel and more (somewhat similar) tales about the rest of her family.

I listened and nodded, and tried to explain "What kind of a church you go to", and symathetically agreed with her bemoaning of the local church bodies and thier failure to teach/keep converts.

A young lady I know just told me today that when people dish out thier troubles to yourn people they are usually wishing that thier children were like the young people. I found that somewhat amusing and sad.
I still fail to understand these pale-faces.

Today

2009-09-08T23:50:00.003-04:00

The title is actually misleading. because it was today, 5 years ago, that I am thinking of.

5 years ago, I took one last look at everything I had ever called "home."
5 years ago, I left everything I loved that did not fit in my allotted portion of the 70lb boxes we could take on the airplane.
5 years ago, I gave my cats one last hug, and never saw them again.
5 years ago, I turned away, and stepped into the waiting van.
5 years ago, I stepped into an airplane.
5 years ago, that airplane lifted me high up and 11 thousand miles away from all of that.
5 years ago, I lost my heart somewhere in that green-and-white-and-blue ocean and island.
5 years ago, I buried it deep, where no one could find it. Maybe it is not dead, though. Maybe someone found it and kept it safe for me.
5 years ago, I wanted to die.
5 years ago, today, was the hardest day of my life.

Are these wounds healed? Have I found a new life and meaning here in this country? Has God been working in me?
To answer the last question: Yes
To answer the first question: No, otherwise I would not be weeping my heart out as I type.
As for the middle question: I don't know. I have tried to understand and reach out and be acceptable. I still feel like an outsider, a loner, and a foreigner. I have formed some deep friendships. But my roots are still volatile. In shock. Fearful. Distrusting.

Life is never easy. But today, as it was 5 years ago, life is intolerable.

Free-card

2009-09-02T02:18:00.001-04:00

It is here, folks!!!!

FREEDOM!!!! Freedom from having to pay that is!!!
Get this card and your life will be over! (at least, your life as a debtor!)

Trust His Perfectness

2009-08-28T09:14:00.002-04:00

Interesting way of wording the sentiment. I had never heard this before, yet it keeps playing over in my head.....

Overcomers

2009-08-24T12:00:00.000-04:00

"...Every circumstance in life, no matter how crooked and distorted and ugly it appears to be, if it is reacted to in love and forgiveness and obedience to your will can be transformed.
" Therefore I began to think, my Lord, you purposely allow us to be brought into contact with the bad and evil things that you want changed. Perhaps that is the very reason why we are here in this world, where sin and sorrow and suffering and evil abound, so that we may let you teach us so to react to them, that out of them we can create lovely qualities that live forever. That is the only really satisfactory way of dealing with evil, not simply binding it so that it cannot work harm, but whenever possible overcoming it with good."

Ready to seek his help

2009-08-23T10:09:00.000-04:00

Then Peace said quietly, "I have noticed that when people are brought into sorrow and suffering, or loss, or humiliation, or grief, or into some place of great need, they... become ready to know the Shepherd and to seek his help...."

Bearing-the-Cost

2009-08-22T12:00:00.000-04:00

Just then, she looked up at the cliffs above her head and [saw]. In a tiny crevice of the rock, where a few drops from the trickling waterfall could occasionally sprinkle it, was a single plant. It had just two or three leaves, and one fragile stem, almost hairlike in its slenderness, grew out at right angles to the wall. On the stem was one flower, blood red in color, which glowed like a lamp or flame of fire in the early rays of the sun.

Much-Afraid stared at it for some moments, noticing the wall which completely imprisoned it, the miniature aperture through which it had forced its way to the light, and the barren loneliness of its surroundings. Its roots were clamped around by sheer rock, its leaves scarcely able to press outside the prison house, yet it had insisted upon bursting into bloom, and was holding its little face open to the sun and burning like a flame of joy. As she looked up at it Much-Afraid asked..."What is your name, little flower, for indeed I never saw another like you."

At that moment the sun touched the blood-red petals so that they shone more vividly than ever, and a little whisper rustled from the leaves.
"My name is 'Bearing-the-Cost,' but some call me 'Forgiveness.'"
She gazed at the little flower and said..."Why do they call you that?"
Once more, a little whispering laugh passed through the leaves and she thought she heard them say, "I was separated from all my companions, exiled from home, carried here and imprisoned in this rock. It was not my choice, but the work of others who, when they had dropped me here, went away and left me to bear the results of what they had done.
"I have borne and have not fainted; I have not ceased to love; and Love helped me push through the crack in the rock until I could look right out onto my Love the sun himself. See now! There is nothing whatever between my Love and my heart, nothing around to distract me from him. He shines upon me and makes me to rejoice, and has atoned to me for all that was taken from me and done against me. There is no flower in all the world more blessed or more satisfied than I, for I look up to him as a weaned child and say, 'Whom have I in heaven but thee, and there is none upon earth that I desire but thee.'"

But Love Hurts

2009-08-20T21:18:00.002-04:00

The next few posts will be focusing on one of my all-time favorite books: Hinds Feet on High Places -- by Hannah Hurnard. I have always loved her impromptu poems and how she can really analogize a situation to make it stick.....and of course, she was a missionary!

Anyway, from the first chapter in the book:
Much-Afraid shrank back. "I am afraid," she said. "I have been told that if you really love someone you give that loved one the power to hurt and pain you in a way nothing else can."
"That is true," agreed the Shepherd. "To love does mean to put yourself into the power of the loved one and to become very vulnerable to pain... But it is so happy to love. It is happy to love even if you are not loved in return. There is pain too, certainly, but Love does not think that very significant."

The Deer

2009-08-16T22:25:00.002-04:00

1.24.09

Dry, parched, exhausted
RUN
the hunters are everywhere
FLY! JUMP! RUN!
Fighting through the brambles
That catch and tear
OUCH!
Vines and weeds
Grab and hold
Cutting and tripping
RUN!
FLY!
JUMP!
RUN!
Aching
Bleeding
Bruised
Wounded
Alone
throat raw and dry
Parched lips that crack and bleed
Exhausted
Alone
In the cleft of the rock
Alone
In the shade of the trees
WATER!!!
Cool, flowing smooth and swift,
Drink deep, drink your fill
Quench your thirst.
As the deer pants for water
So my soul thirsts
How long shall I wait?
Crying night and day....
They laugh, they mock
And I cry out in agony
I sing Your praise
But my soul sighs within me.
God is my hope and refuge
At night His song is sung
The waves and waterfalls
Send the song along.
His lovingkindness all the day
My Rock, when I mourn
Yet, I will praise Him
When my soul is disquieted and forlorn.

An Example in Prudence:

2009-08-08T14:24:00.002-04:00

When, in the course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the...bonds which have connected them with another, and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the laws of nature and of nature's God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation...

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights, that among these are life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.

That to secure these rights, governments are instituted among men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed. That whenever any form of government becomes destructive to these ends, it is the right of the people to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their safety and happiness. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that governments long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shown that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable, than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such government, and to provide new guards for their future security.....

Nor have we been wanting in attention to our British brethren. We have warned them from time to time of attempts by their legislature to extend an unwarrantable jurisdiction over us. We have reminded them of the circumstances of our emigration and settlement here. We have appealed to their native justice and magnanimity, and we have conjured them by the ties of our common kindred to disavow these usurpations, which, would inevitably interrupt our connections and correspondence. They too have been deaf to the voice of justice and of consanguinity. We must, therefore, acquiesce in the necessity, which denounces our separation, and hold them, as we hold the rest of mankind, enemies in war, in peace friends....

We, therefore, the representatives of the United States of America, in General Congress, assembled, appealing to the Supreme Judge of the world for the rectitude of our intentions, do, in the name, and by the authority of the good people of these colonies, solemnly publish and declare, that these united colonies are, and of right ought to be free and independent states; that they are absolved from all allegiance to the British Crown, and that all political connection between them and the state of Great Britain, is and ought to be totally dissolved; and that as free and independent states, they have full power to levy war, conclude peace, contract alliances, establish commerce, and to do all other acts and things which independent states may of right do. And for the support of this declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of Divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our lives, our fortunes and our sacred honor.

Defend the Schools!!!

2009-07-27T17:07:00.003-04:00

Interesting thoughts from Dr. Voddie Baucham

As many as eighty-five to ninety percent of professing Christians send their children to the government for their education. That is simply an astonishing figure considering the fact that the Christian community fought mandatory government education tooth-and-nail for it’s first fifty years of existence. Since then we have gone from fighting against government schools to fighting for them and implying that those who fight against them are fundamentalists, anti-intellectuals, and racists.

He then links to this post from ethicsdaily.com which ends by saying:

We believe public schools advance the common good and deserve the intense support of people of faith. We think the demonizing of public school employees is morally wrong. We contend that hate speech against public education bears false witness.....

Rather than retreat from public education, goodwill Baptists must be known as the ones who speak up for public schools and refuse to give up on one of our nation's most important institutions.

Leading us all along the way...

2009-07-27T08:51:00.003-04:00

Here We Are--Don Moen
***The first ten seconds of the video are messed up... it then repeats.

Here we are lifting our hands to You.
Here we are giving You thanks for all You do;
As we praise and worship Your holy name
You are here dwelling within our praise.

For every answered prayer,
For always being there,
For love that hears us when we call,
For arms that lift us when we fall,
You have always been right beside us
Leading us all along the way;
We made it through
Because of You...

Here we are lifting our hands to You.
Here we are giving You thanks for all You do;
As we praise and worship Your holy name
You are here dwelling within our praise.

For days we cannot see,
For all that's yet to be,
The trials we may have to face
When we'll be leaning on Your grace;
It will be Your strength that saves us
Your love that makes us strong;
And through it all
We'll sing this song...

Here we are lifting our hands to You.
Here we are giving You thanks for all You do;
As we praise and worship Your holy name
You are here dwelling within our praise.

Switch Gears:

2009-07-22T12:39:00.004-04:00

Having received word that my blog is "depressing" I shall endeavor to post something that often helps me out of my "depression".

I had heard this song before from the VCD it was originally on. Then, to my utmost heartbeak, the VCD malfunctioned, and now is merely a relic. I had wanted to hear it again....and then I found it on youtube!!!

Blessed Are You-- Paul Wilbur

Blessed are You O Lord our God,
Eternity's holy King;
Blessed are You O Lord our God,
Whose Word brings on the evening.

Bar'chu et Adonai ham'vorach l'olam vaed
Bar'chu et Adonai ham'vorach l'olam vaed

By wisdom O Lord
Heaven's gates open up
With understanding You order the seasons;
Creating day and night
Turning darkness into light
Arranging the stars to Your pleasing.

O blessed be the King
To the Holy One we sing
Lord of Hosts is Your name;
O everliving God rule over us
Now and forever the same.

Pieces

2009-07-20T12:07:00.002-04:00

Having grown up in a culture other than the one my parents grew up in, I have a mixture of the two that is the definition of me.
It has been almost 5 years (4 Years 10 months 10 days, and I've lost count of the hours now...) since I left the culture that I grew up in. I have used the language only slightly since then. I keep some parts of it up in songs, thoughts, dreams, and occasional reading of letters that people had/have since then given me. I have felt the steady decline of less-used words. Things don't come as easily, and I sometimes stayed for hours, trying to translate "simple" words that I had completely lost the meanings of. Then, there are the times where random words fly at me, and I instinctively "know" what they mean...and then I begin to question myself. I roll the words around on my tongue, finger the meaning, and try to remember if I was really sure as to its meaning.
Opening my Cebuano Bible is a rare occasion. Every time I do I am confronted with words which I never really understood. I am still somewhat ashamed of how I stuck with the slang, but not that the old words were used that much either. Englisera and mishmash had taken the place of a lot of "functional words". Religious terms thought up/applied by the original Bible/song translators have little normal use in the first place. Almost like a ghetto child would hardly be able to comprehend the meaning of an KJV passage.
Last night, I was suddenly struck with a mental image that I knew I needed to turn into a poem. The problem is, that the image was in Cebuano (don't ask me how, it was), and I could not get the words out of my head. I "knew" but I could not form it into a cohesive word package.

It was then I realised that I was TRANSLATING. I was taking english expressions, phrases, the turn of the words....I was trying to fit them into this Cebuano picture. I could not help but burst into tears. It was like I had lost a peice of myself. I could no longer meld into my other half, the side of me that was brown, with brown eyes and black hair, the side that gets goose-bumps (it had happened) when the temperature is below 65, and others are working up a sweat. Next thing that will happen is that I will forget how to swim!!!!!!!!!!!

Then as I cried, a little voice started coming through. I wrote out the most lovely poem I have ever written. It was a heart-poem in my heart-language (one of them, at least). It came for someone who was struggling. It came from someone who was struggling.

Our struggles make us. Our struggles break us. Our struggles force us to take the little million peices to the foot of God's throne. Our struggles make us say: "Here, You take them, because I am at the end of my rope."
Life is a struggle.

I am in little peices.
Oh, and just an FYI: The poem is not available to read. I often find that putting poems up is a very open/vulnerable thing. When I am dead and my older sister publishes all the bad ones in a posthumous volume, you can look for it and remember.

Phil 1:6

2009-07-17T01:13:00.001-04:00

being confident...that He who has begun a good work in you will complete it...

Psalm 68

2009-07-16T23:28:00.001-04:00

¹⁸ You have ascended on high,
You have led captivity captive;
You have received gifts among men,
Even from the rebellious,
That the LORD God might dwell there.

¹⁹ Blessed be the Lord,
Who daily loads us with benefits,
The God of our salvation!
Selah
²⁰ Our God is the God of salvation;
And to GOD the Lord belong escapes from death.

28 Summon your power, O God;
show us your strength, O God, as you have done before.

³² Sing to God, you kingdoms of the earth;
Oh, sing praises to the Lord, Selah
³³ To Him who rides on the heaven of heavens, which were of old!
Indeed, He sends out His voice, a mighty voice.
³⁴ Ascribe strength to God;
His excellence is over Israel,
And His strength is in the clouds.
³⁵ O God, You are more awesome than Your holy places.
The God of Israel is He who gives strength and power to His people.

Blessed be God!

Hosea 2:14

2009-07-08T00:35:00.000-04:00

"Therefore I ....will bring her into the wilderness,
And speak comfort to her...."

B-Day meditations

2009-07-07T10:00:00.003-04:00

I am now 19, dear blog-readers.

Yes, THE age. What is so important? I don't really know. But for some reason, my young mind always saw 19 as THE age.
I would surely be perfect by 19. (rotfl!)
I would be married, or getting married soon. (hey, little girls have all this planned out right?)
I would be jaw-dropping beautiful (it doesn't hurt to wish?)
and most purely loving. (well....even little girls exaggerate sometimes)

Now, I am 19.

Well...... you can see for yourself!

Open-ness

2009-07-06T01:12:00.002-04:00

OK, so I said I would post about sunglasses.

Well, I was engaged wholly as a salesperson for 10 days. I knew our products, I had seen many of them, remembered others, memorized prices, etc, etc. I would judge people when they began to approach our tent whether the cry of "kamot!" "Nathan! kamot!" "Rea, kamot!" would ring out (it means hands or, more liberally "watch their hands!") or whether we would get up, and help the customer with a description of all the items they were likely to be interested in. Nothing perturbed me more than to have uppity people come in and stalk around the tent in sunglasses. Sunglasses, while they may have a purpose for helping one's eyes, are a barrier.

Luke 11:34-35
The lamp of the body is the eye. Therefore, when your eye is good, your whole body also is full of light. But when your eye is bad, your body also is full of darkness. Therefore take heed that the light which is in you is not darkness.

They cover the person's eyes (and in some cases most of their entire head) and you cannot tell if the person is utterly annoyed with you even saying hello/helping them/talking about 15 different types of firecrackers, or if they are completely at a loss to know what they are looking at and need help to find what they thought they wanted.

Most of the older generation would walk up and take their sunglasses OFF (or shove them up to the top of their head) when they entered/or were about to enter the tent. The rest of the people with sunglasses (and how can you see the lovely colors or notice details of interest and intrigue when your wold is a grey-blue?) would usually walk around in a very testy/bored way, and walk out.

I have had glasses for what seems to be most of my life now... I had never had the opportunity to wear sunglasses, because they are not (or were not?) made to fit over glasses, and the ones that are made for your glasses are/were rather expensive. Most of my family does not wear sunglasses. In fact, not many people I know do. So, this week was interesting in that I was unable to communicate well/much at all with people whose eyes/face/physiognomy was hidden from me. (I believe I first learnt that word from Jane Eyre...and I just googled it's spelling, so I know it is correct, although it's definition is most interesting....and I am highly pleased with my depth of language.....*pride moment*....ok.....I'm over it now)

So, when you want to talk to me....and when you want to be open with someone--don't wear sunglasses.
And if you want to really get to know someone....have them take off thier sunglasses.

But--the real test of knowing someone is when they can wear sunglasses and you know exactly what they are thinking....ie...I said some of this to my sister and she was wearing her new sunglasses, and she said "Well, what about me?" And I said, "1) I already know you. 2) We say the same thing at the same time, so I know a lot of how.what you think. 3) I can tell from your body language, and I don't entirely need your eyes."
Although...there have been times where even the sunglasses make it hard to tell her moods....

Culture Trend

2009-07-05T08:00:00.005-04:00

I have been completely socialized these past 10 days. I have seen/been around/talked with more people in this space of time than in moat of the past year. I noticed two very overwhelming cultural trends/fads (I think trend is a better word, because fad indicates that it is a passing freak of style or popular, whereas trend tends to imply a deeper root cause/reason for the outburst of whatever may be currently popular).

First, is a culture of death. We all know the stereotypes of Emo, Goth, etc, etc. It goes beyond black hair/chains and makeup. I would like to know one thing I have not seen decorated or in a motif without a skull (or skulls) or skull-and-crossbones, or some type of visual representation of death. Tattoos, clothing, chains, jewelry, fingernails, bandannas, sunglasses....even underwear! (Hey, when they don't know what a belt is for, I can't really help but see...not that I had a choice or that is was in any way shape or form at all anywhere near possibly tolerable -- yes, that is a lot of adjectives and adverbs). It has been so trivialised, that it is included in everything. There are even little pink skulls decorating children's T-shirts.
I remember when my grandparents bought a pair of little boys swim shorts for my younger brother. They were typical tie-died blue Hawaii board shorts, decorated with hibiscus flowers (yes, for boys!). When it was given to him, mother grabbed it up and looked at it closely. Something very hard to see at first, but the pistil of the hibiscus, instead of being little dots of pollen, was a miniature skull!!! I remember being quite horrified that something so ugly would decorate any article of clothing, much less pollute a flower....or be substituted for one!!
However, it is now SO commonplace, that even classy, or "upper-middle-class" people think nothing of donning this insignia and it has even become a "fad". The best way to pollute the meaning of anything is to make it popular. Even well-to-do people who came in with $100 bills in their pockets wore them.
We are now surrounded by a culture of death. Life is so meaningless, so useless, so purposeless.... Satan is more than glad to dominate Hell and Earth and bring more people to end their lives by desensitization to such gross paraphernalia, and then embracing it.

Second, is a culture of fake. Everything is made in China. Use it once and you have to buy another. Fake nails (it took them 3 times as long to pick up change...not to mention fake nails are just SO pitiful...because there is no way anyone other than a blind person could not see that they are FAKE!!!), fake hair (this applies to the dyed and the add-ins and the dreads), fake body (fake plastic even? Agh! Don't ask!), fake tan (orange anyone?), fake height (heels or a slump), fake smile (as in...this is a situation wherein I must look like I am amused), fake suave (bling and slicked hair), fake posture/presentation (sunglasses : see other post for a note on those).....even some people have a fake gender!!!!!! (I will probably remember those two very STRANGE "women" for a very long time... *nightmares*)
Makeup masks the true self into what you see painted on a billboard. You change yous height and hair to attract fake love. You talk cool and swagger and show your underpants to attract fake honor..... It is a cruel downward spiral. Yet, it all means nothing.

It overwhelmed me. Completely shocked me and made-me-take-astep-back-and-try-to-understand.

The people of York City need life
They need something real.

Am I here to show it to them?

Gentleman in a Rebel (Part 2)

2009-07-02T00:28:00.000-04:00

This was not originally intended to be a two-part, but now it is....

So...I was walking into Rutters to get a refill on my drink. As I got within 5 feet of the doors I see a young man about to (or at least he gave all appearance of walking towards the the doors) exit. Instead of reaching to door, and opening it to leave, he halted momentarily, and began perusing a shelf of cookies.

I reached the door, opened it, and as I was crossing the threshold, he suddenly lost interest in the toothsome display and exited before the door shut.

It suddenly struck me: He stopped and appeared occupied so as not to have to open the door for me. It was most shocking and intriguing. It was very politically correct and it was perfectly unintentional-looking. I decided to blog about it.....

Gentlemen in the Rebel?

2009-06-28T14:03:00.002-04:00

As some of you might know, I am currently having great fun manning a Fireworks Tent in york for my family. I love it. I am a workoholic. I don't know why I am here instead of there....

Anyway, yesterday, I was leaving the tent for a quick break in the rutters Gas station, whose parking lot we are using. As I got closer, a young man walked across the street perpendicular to the tent, and also headed for the door.

This young man was one of your more outrageous stylers. He was putting ON a T-shirt as he walked, because such things are necessary for entering a Rutters. His head was mostly bald except for an over-grown mohawk which began at his forehead and ended at the nape of his neck. (Overgrown meaning the hair was about 4 inches long...haven't seen that before!) He had an assortment of rings, peircings, and chains and his clothing was of the holier kind. (as in hole, not whole!) As we continued apace, it became apparent that he would reach the door before me. I mused as to what would come.

Sonce when do guys dare open doors for girls? Rarely! Most men don't risk it. He definitely doesn't look like the type of person who would. hmmmmm.....

Anyhow, as I approached the door, he swing it open for himself, and then held the handle gingerly, allowing me to grab it before he let it go. I thanked him (as I do for all men who do so for me) or rather, I thanked his back, as he was walking towards the deli, and proceeded to carry out my business thinking: "This will make an interesting Blog Post!!!!"

1984 by George Orwell

2009-06-13T00:52:00.003-04:00

Wednesday and Thursday were spent largely reading through this book. I heard about it before, but it never stood out from the pile of titles that were "important" in some way or another....

UNTIL: I read this article.

Oldthinkers unbellyfeel Ingsoc

I decided to order it from the library catalogue. I find it entirely intriguing. I would love to copy-paste the entire book (well, make that a lot of the book, not all of it...*hem*) and force you all to read it. It is definitely something you have to stretch your mind to take in.

What is your personal property? How does language define civilization? What would life be like if everything you ever did/said was watched/recorded? Does anyone one else have the ability to get inside your head? Can you doublethink?

I am still reeling from all of it.

The only thing is, in the book there is no religion. Religion is not a word. It means nothing to them. However, at the end of the book, these words came to me: And do not fear those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. But rather fear Him who is able to destroy both soul and body in hell. (Matt. 10:28)
Even if such tortures and methods and "deepest fears" were used against me, there is One more powerful than man.

Even so, on this earth:
2 + 2 = 5
War is Peace
Freedom is Slavery
Ignorance is Strength

What significance do things hold when they no longer mean anything?
Do yourself a favor, read 1984.

Doubleplusgood duckspeak, I say!

Introducing!!!!!

2009-06-04T23:40:00.002-04:00

*drum roll, please!!!!*

The introduction of:

Glimpses of Eternity Photography

Visit it here

Overwhelmed

2009-06-04T01:38:00.001-04:00

05/30/2009

Overwhelmed

Waves of memories
Come sweeping over me
The town, the shops
The street--
The sound of motorcars
Whizzing by
The smell of dusty,
Traveling feet.

Waving rice stalks whisper
Of the coming rain
The rains reminisce
With the smell of the wind
The cool essence surrounds
The murmur of the sea
Crashing, roaring thunder--
The grating of the sand

Overwhelmed by their power
I, powerless, obey
The rip-tide of their fervor
Sweeps me off my feet
Those waves toss and swallow me
Enfold me in their arms
I, helplessly--joyfully,
Am carried far into the deep.

Old thoughts

2009-05-30T14:06:00.003-04:00

A poem I wrote a while ago that I found when transferring my "scraps of paper poems" onto a more available source.

09.28. 2008

Philippians 3:10- end

My goal is the prize

Of the upward call

Onward! Upward!

Ever skyward!

My goal is the prize

Of the upward call.

My goal is the prize

Of the upward call

My ever present aim

His image and mine the same!

My goal is the prize

Of the upward call.

My goal is the prize

Of the upward call.

Forgetting things which are behind

Reaching forward, I hope to find

My goal, the prize

Of the upward call.

My goal is the prize

Of the upward call

The power of His rising—

The fellowship of His suffering—

My goal is the prize

Of the upward call.

I was going to add more to it, but my inspiration ran out that night, and I haven't been able to find the right words.

Time

2009-05-29T15:11:00.003-04:00

Time passes

Life goes on

The sun rises and sets and rises again.

I have been a little sick, and there has been a near-constant deluge. I have entertained myself grandly on classic (or not-so-classic, but old) books.
This has left me in a strange mood wherein I speak with such astounding vocabulary and grammar as to both astound and stupefy some of my hearers. I have delicious words and phrases floating around my head, like "killing airs" and "equanimity" and "sentiment" and "propriety".

For instance

A thought on satire from Jonathan Swift:
"....a sort of glass wherein beholders do generally discover everybody's face but their own, which is the chief reason for that kind of reception it meets in the world, and that so very few are offended with it."

And I shall leave you with a thought from W. M. Thackeray speaking of "...the moral world that has, perhaps, no particular objection to vice, but an insuperable repugnance to hearing vice called by its proper name."

Press On

2009-05-16T12:00:00.001-04:00

When the mountain is steep
When the valley is deep
When the body is weary
When we stumble and fall

When the choices are hard
When we're battered and scarred
When we've spent our resource
When we've given our all

In Jesus name we press on
In Jesus name we press on
Dear Lord, with the prize
Clear before our eyes
We find the strength to press on

Rather simple.....
One of those "when all else has failed" songs...at least, that is how it strikes me.

Struggle: Matinumanon Ka

2009-05-15T14:05:00.004-04:00

At the risk of some verbal negativity, I shall quote a quote I have been thinking about lately from the Irrepressible Wesley of the Princess Bride fame:

"Life IS pain..... anyone who tells you differently is selling something."

Now, while I have been mulling over this statement, I am wont to change it to something more applicable. "Life is struggle". (I have often wondered how such an awkward sound came about to form that word.) What part of life is not a struggle?

The last breaths of an aged man, the newborn pushing and straining to leave its cocoon and enter the world, the young child learning to walk, older children growing tall into their adult bodies.... what of life is not struggle?

In this vein, I have also been singing various Selah songs to myself. (Note: Selah being the music group, and "their" songs being the songs they sing/cover/etc. in thier albums)

Be still, my soul: the Lord is on thy side.

Bear patiently the cross of grief or pain;

Leave to thy God to order and provide;

In every change He faithful will remain.

Be still, my soul: thy best, thy heavenly friend
Through thorny ways leads to a joyful end.

Be still, my soul: the waves and winds still know
His voice who ruled them while he dwelt below.

and

Great is Thy faithfulness, O God my Father;
    There is no shadow of turning with Thee.
    Thou changest not, Thy compassions, they fail not;
    As Thou hast been Thou forever wilt be.

        Great is Thy faithfulness! Great is Thy faithfulness!
    Morning by morning new mercies I see;
    All I have needed Thy hand hath provided
    Great is Thy Faithfulness, Lord unto me.

 Summer and winter and spring-time and harvest,
    Sun, moon and stars in their courses above
    join with all nature in manifold witness
    To Thy great faithfulness, mercy and love.

 Pardon for sin and a peace that endureth,
    Thy own dear presence to cheer and to guide,
    Strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow,
    Blessings all mine, with ten thousand beside!

My first memory of this song was at a wedding. I was tickled to death to be the flower girl for my dear Ate M. with hair curled, a gorgeous dress with lace and nice shoes. I remember being more than pleased with my appearance, but my only very clear memory of that day was looking at Ate M's face as she sang this song. I am sure I had heard it before, but for some reason, it never registered. I vowed at that moment to sing it at my wedding. however, I'm not saving it only for then, either, as I have been meditating on it a lot lately.

Life is struggle, remember?

Considering:

2009-05-12T19:44:00.004-04:00

I am considering beginning a photography blog. I could showcase my work, and use it as backup for recommendations and references. It would also be the easiest thing to hand someone a link in order to detail my experience.

Any ideas on a name?

Update

2009-05-09T20:55:00.002-04:00

Yeah...I thought I should update:

So...I have updated!

lol

OK, so I will do something substantial.
Info for those of you who weren't at TeenPact:
May 5th is Yellow Ducky Day. Stuart L. is a genius.

TeenPact was amazing....it was TeenPactic....again. I have not found an organization that can change people's lives so substantially in four little days. That is why I love TeenPact.
That is why everyone should go to TeenPact. Everyone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Remember this post?

2009-05-02T02:19:00.001-04:00

Well, even if you don't, I'm re-posting. Something I thought I would never do....

http://abirdhouse.blogspot.com/2008/04/teenpact.html

Photo Shoot

2009-04-18T18:11:00.004-04:00

Monday (the 13th) was my younger brother's Volleyball tournament. I took my camera and persuaded a dear soul to sit for a photo shoot.
I must say we had great fun, and I definitely want to do this more. Besides, the better I get the more I can charge (which right now is nothing).

First, we sat around flowers, and I told her to smile or pose. She didn't trust me very much, and was unsure of exactly how all this would look/turn out, etc.
Then.....a wonderful thing began to happen as she got comfortable with me and the camera. She got ideas (and all photographers should listen to ideas) and began playing around.Playing around = having fun

Having fun = real smile
Real smile = AMAZING picturesAmazing pictures = "win!" (as she would say <3)

Better than Life

2009-04-16T12:00:00.000-04:00

Better than Life

In a dry and weary land where is no water
My soul is thirsting for you
I have seen you in the sanctuary
Beheld your power and glory
My lips will glorify you
I will praise you as long as I live
In your name I will lift up my hands

Your love is better than life
Your love is better than life
Earnestly I seek you
My soul is thirsting for you
Cause your love is better than life

Because you are my help
I will be singing
In the shadow of your wing
I'm staying close beside you
Your right hand upholds me
I think of you through the night
With singing lips I will praise
And my soul will be satisfied

Your love is better than life
Your love is better than life
Earnestly I seek you
My soul is thirsting for you
Cause your love is better than life

Oh, God, you are my God
Earnestly I seek you
I'm longing for you
Oh, God, you are my God
Earnestly I seek you
I'm longing for you

Trust - a poem

2009-04-14T19:49:00.004-04:00

Trust is a hard thing.

Trust is allowing someone else to do and be for you. Trust is giving away power and telling secrets and sharing things that you would never want anyone else to know.
Trust is using faith. Faith in another person's decisions, and choices, and knowledge.
Trust is when you know that the other person would do everything in their power for you if you needed them.
Trust is knowing that they will never let you down if they can help it.
Trust is not needing to speak, because the one you can rely on is there.

Trust is hard.

Trust requires being vulnerable.
Trust needs to be returned.
Trust cannot be fleeting.
Trust requires more than a passing glance.

Trust is hard.

Trust leans
Trust waits
Trust hopes

Trust is hard.

Trust is giving a piece of yourself to another knowing it will be safe
Trust is giving a piece of yourself to another not knowing if things will change

Trust is hard.

Sometimes, trusting means you will be disappointed and let down.

Notes from Astronomy

2009-04-12T10:29:00.005-04:00

I know that me presenting such anti-religious and heretical thoughts on such a (traditionally) holy day must seem worthy of a burning, but for me to be on the computer on this day, and so unrepentant overall must surely be worse. So, for those squeamish ones, Please close your eyes, breath deeply and focus. (lol, that is what they tell you in Imax movie)

So, for all of you who follow days and signs and such, I have some thoughts from astronomy to present:

A "day" in the 24-hour-calendar-sense (at least according to the Jewish system) is sunset to sunset. If Jesus was dead 3 days (and the day-age theory does not work here!) he could not have been crucified on Friday. Friday sunset (ie. Saturday beginning) to Sunday (please forgive the Romanization... I would use "first day" and "6th day", but I find myself in a rut) sunrise is NOT 3 days. In fact Sunday sunrise is absolutely nothing.

Whom did the Angel roll the stone away for?

Jesus did not arise at sunrise. The rolling-away-of-stone was for the women! Jesus (especially if He had just risen from the dead) surely did not need an angel to help him with the tomb cover. In fact, why would he need to roll the stone away to get out in the first place? (Answer: He wouldn't)

The "first day" (Mark 16:9) began at sunset on the last day of the week (in Romanization: Saturday sunset) and "early" does not mean early morning (Greek/Romans again, with their midnight being the beginning of the day). Remember, Jewish days begin and end with sunset.

So, this begs the question, when WAS Jesus actually crucified? Well, mathematically speaking, three sunset-sunset periods (days in the 24 hour sense) would require that the crucifixion happened on Wednesday, the fourth day of the week. (Interestingly, there is not reference in the NT for the fourth day. Poor Wednesday. No one bothered to mention all the things that must have happened on Wednesdays)

Also: Some people say that Friday afternoon, all day saturday, and night and morning on Sunday make three "days" (or more truthfully: portions of days). However, they have a problem in that Jesus compared himself with Jonah and said specifically "three days AND three nights" (Mat. 12:40). In "day" Jesus must have meant "three light periods of time" and "night" must have meant "three dark periods of time". Therefore, the Friday afternoon to Sunday morning model is fallacious.

The next question is: Why does all this matter? Why am I arguing with "established" (read: Roman Catholic syncretized) tradition? Why, if I have problems with it, don't I just ignore it?
Because, first of all, it is fallacious, and way to many people accept it without knowing.
Second: Because I hope to enlighten some people and help them understand the significance of using the Bible to destroy man's false traditions.
Third: Because I find that in celebrating extra-biblically, we run into so many problems that we should stick with how the Bible tells us to celebrate/remember great events.

Oh? How SHOULD we celebrate then?

I Corinthians 11:

²³ For I received from the Lord that which I also delivered to you: that the Lord Jesus on the same night in which He was betrayed took bread; ²⁴ and when He had given thanks, He broke it and said, “Take, eat; this is My body which is broken for you; do this in remembrance of Me.” ²⁵ In the same manner He also took the cup after supper, saying, “This cup is the new covenant in My blood. This do, as often as you drink it, in remembrance of Me.”
²⁶ For as often as you eat this bread and drink this cup, you proclaim the Lord’s death till He comes.

That is the Biblical celebration/remembrance of the crucifixion, death, resurrection, and second coming of Christ.

As for "easter" and "sunrise services" (shouldn't they be "sunset services"?) and bunnies that lay colored eggs.... I would not spend your hard-earned money, and if you want chocolate, wait a week... it will all go on sale! (oh, and all the flowers will as well)

Update on the knee

2009-04-06T21:54:00.003-04:00

So, people have been praying, and time has passed, and I have worked on exercising it...however, at this date I have still NOT had x-rays or had any sort of diagnosis.

I wanted to see exactly HOW much it had gotten better with my own methods, so I went Square Dancing on Thursday and waited for it to ache. Being that (as usual) there were more boys than girls, and I have the ability (although not at a very high level of expertise) to dance in the boy's part, I danced boy all night. Men's position don't move very much. There is some turning, some backwards-and-forwards, mostly arm work.
Surprisingly, my leg didn't bother me until the last dance, although it let me know it was worked a bit too hard that night and the next day. I was pleased that it had improved that much, and I definitely plan on seeing what it can handle in the future.

Still have trouble:
Kneeling, etc, getting up from the floor
Bending sometimes hurts, not as much, I can handle most smaller angles.
Twisting leg from the knee/pivoting
Kicking yourself in the back (yes, I tired it...BAD idea)
Running (when I'm not on medication. Older sis medicated me one day, and I didn't realize until later why I felt so wonderful, and why I was able to do so much...I was bouncing, running...it was NOT as nice living for two days after, though!)
Getting up and down from chairs....I have hurt myself badly twice now...

Walking isn't strenuous, and I have overcome my fear of steps, and I am feeling more confident about being healed much sooner than the 13 year estimate I first found.
Although, I believe that whatever my injury was, it could not have been a complete ACL tear or strain, because I was never incapacitated or in such serious straits as the people I read online.

However, watching movies intimidates me. Almost every move the people onscreen make I can see them falling over as their ACL pops or see them collapse in the middle of running after bad guys because they pivoted the wrong way. It is a very interesting ailment, and it also has the negative effect of giving me a very good excuse not to exercise. No fast walking, no running, NO jogging....nothing that I need to use my left knee for.....
Not as good, eh?

"Water with your milk?"

2009-03-17T13:26:00.003-04:00

In my history of activism, I have written to and called Doctor James Dobson’s "Focus on the Family" many times. They have usually rebuffed me, or completely written me off, Then, they procede to send me emails and newsletters.

I usually read them, and always throw them away immediately afterwards. Inconsistency of message, watering-down of responsibility to a 200 word essay, or even blatant contradiction in message (in one magazine) have made me roll my eyes and head for the trash can (Tossmass, I believe they call it!?).
For instance, in a November magazine, the feature talked about how parents should not lie to thier children. The ending "question and answer" section had Doctor Dobson himself advocating telling your children about Santa Claus (as in, telling them he is real, coming, has a flying sleigh, and a certain amount of mythical animals that can also levitate—I don’t even know how many there are!) for the "special memories" that he considered priceless and his children had also enjoyed.

In another magazine (or was it the same, memorable one) their President Jim Daly wrote about how much he enjoyed adding "holy-day traditions" to their normal family holiday routine…like celebrating the days of Advent and Lent. I threw up my hands in horror…. Now, they are not only pseudo-Baptist, we are advocating Catholic and Anglican-Orthodox heresies *hem *…….er….traditions! (yes, thats the word!)
I have considered telling them to stop sending stuff to me, because they are wasting money that they beg their radio listeners for all the time. However, being a born procrastinator, and finding amusement in the foibles of others, I have not done so.

This blog post is about the watering-down of Christianity.
Unlike my former self, ranting here a couple months ago, I now find it obvious that a poli-two-speaker like two-faced/two-party McCain would appeal to their set. They have no problems adopting and adding to their faith and doctrine. A good mix is the key to full flavor, I’m sure. They add in public schooling, adolescence theories, church going as the basis for estimating Christianity, and various shades of self-help advice. (like how to estimate the total amount of "pay withholding from a worker’s W-4")

If there is a "revival" of Christianity, it will not come from this outlet. They are entrenched firmly in their "pro-government" mentality that accepts government education (and then asks for money so they can help de-louse the youth from all their statist instruction)

I must add, in their favor ( and it even shocked/surprised me) there were actually TWO whole pages with the world (dare I say it) homeschooling on them. One, was an add for Christianbook.com and the other for a completely Biblical homeschooling curriculum.
In the entire magazine, there were 7 verses quoted (three in the main article, about death, when asking about the favorite verses of comfort). Two were references for two-hundred word essays on Transition, and "having-a-big-group-of-church-friends-so-your-kids-can-have-multi-generational-community". The last one was stuck on a bio of a guy who makes wooden crosses to give away free.

The last article, and the one that sparked this posting, was about Guitar Hero. Although I have not posted any material, I have about 5 posts buried in my drafts section about rock music and such. I have not actually had the time (or wish to read all the depressing and horrible stuff again) to format them into coherent, readable format.
The article talked about the objectionable material inherent in the system, and the guidelines some families had used (Is the singer modest; Is the concert atmosphere appropriate (i.e. not a bar?); And are the lyrics "acceptable"). Then talked about all the former/previous had-beens who are delighted with their music coming back into circulation.

They ended with these oh-so-politically-correct admonitions:

" …parents can’t afford to sit this one out. Since rhythm games are here to stay, we should strive to understand why our children connect with certain music, then channel those deep desires into healthy, positive outlets. One option is Guitar Praise: Solid Rock, a Guitar Hero alternative featuring dozens of tracks by popular Christian bands. Most important, help children sort through the values zipping at them in their music—whether they’re coming from a stereo, and iPod, or a frenetic virtual fretboard."

I don’t know how much more "Would you like some water with all your milk?" we can get.
While advocating "family worldwide" they allow the parents to cater to the children’s selfishness, tell the children that new, worldly fads are "Ok, with a ‘detox’ bath afterwards", and then wonder why so many see through the mist-screen and turn away to spit on the values they were taught.

They weren’t taught to be dumb. And their inner instincts know that when two opposing things seem to intersect, one has to be right, and one wrong.

Pro patria mori

2009-03-16T09:15:00.002-04:00

http://www.warpoetry.co.uk/owen1.html

This is a very strange and scary poem. Not for the very impressionable, or those prone to nightmares. Yet, since I read it....I have been captivated by the utter desperation and hopelessness of it. And the undertone of seething anger and sarcasm in the last couplet.

It tells of life in the "meat grinder" of the 1st World War. It tells of the futility of governments sending their citizenry out to die for the fatherland, because of handshakes, paper treaties, and "national interests" of alliances and nations across continents.

At least America had an excuse...but no... our men died as well.
And the Europeans who had been lapping up our products and begging us for help (oh! the war would end in a stalemate without us!) after giving 10 million men a "Finally!" for a welcome, left our men to die of disease and be peacekeepers afterwards while they ferried their men home to safety as fast as their dinghys could carry them.

But did we learn? Americans are fools. Oh no...in 30 years we made the same dumb mistake again....and again in less than 10 years after that, and then in another 10 years, and since then it has been war, after skirmish, after attack, after another.
Fool me one, shame on you, fool me twice, three times, and again and again....I deserved it!

War is the Health of the State.

Incapacitations resulting from my knee injury.

2009-03-13T13:54:00.000-04:00

People have often asked me exactly how/when my leg/knee hurts. So, I have compiled a list of certain things that have/still do hurt.

At first:
Straightening leg to a 180 degree angle –impossible. I eventually got it by exercising it and it now does not hurt.
Bending leg less than a 85 degree angle.
Putting weight on leg—(i.e. walking) etc. (see below)

Now:.
Bending leg less than 60 degrees –and that includes, bending your legs under you and sitting them, or twisting them to one side while bent.
Running –Think of how you bend your knees and throw your weight forward.....let us simplify this to "redistribution of weight".
Having people brush past me—see above
Jumping—lets’s just say I have no wish to try!
Falling—(i.e. missing a step!) which is a "redistribution of weight" problem, which causes little balls of fire to run up and down my leg muscles.
Pivoting—think of when you ball up your calf muscles in order to launch in a certain direction. See also "running"
Swiveling—as in keeping your feet facing one direction and turning from your knees or waist to face another direction.
Kneeling—as in anything that involves one’s left knee....for instance falling to your knees, walking on your knees, etc. I can do this ONLY when I am careful to put all my weight on my right knee, which wears out that knee.
Bending—see "redistribution of weight" also "line of balance"

The "leg incedent"

2009-03-13T13:52:00.001-04:00

I have received a strange anonymous comment asking to hear about "the leg event". Now, readers, as strange an "event" as this may seem you need not be dubious as to its appropriate-ness.

As some of you may know, our family delights in the winter sport of skiing. I personally, while still detesting the cold, the snow, and much of the elements that make skiing possible (for instance the bent-knee boots, etc) greatly enjoy barreling down a hill at full speed and coming to an abrupt stop near a lift, ready to do it again. However, I am a more cautious skier, as I have some fear of heights and an even greater fear of falling and hurting myself. Since I had not skied in 2 years, I was rather cautious, doing all of the green slopes, and only three of the blue I had been on previously (I had been to that mountain in 2005).

The second time we went skiing, the 1st of February, I was more confident, and definitely ready to tackle the harder slopes. I did a couple greens behind the little kids, and watched Caleb most of the morning. He went up the Terrain Park with Daddy eventually, and I glided off for some solo speed-runs. I went up twice, having great fun, and doing different slopes from my norm. The third run, and my second one on a rather twisty-turny blue, I felt that I was going too fast. I began doing S-curves to slow down, only I mis-calculated the trail. At one turn to the left, the slope fell steeply, but the right side sloped gradually. I realized this and had the classical "split-second" to make a decision. I turned sharply to the right. Due to my boots being a bit looser than they were previously (they gave me a bruise on my calf that lasted a couple weeks), the fact that the snow piled up along the edge of the slope, and that I was going too fast to turn as sharply as I needed to, I went off the edge of the steep part (I estimate 65-70 degrees across about 100 feet) sideways, and fell down until I hit the snow and began rolling. When my weight and crossed skis finally dug into the snow...I wasn’t sure what hurt most, and I just hoped no one plowed into me.

An expert skier nearly did, but he then took off his skis immediately, and tried to help me. I was still in a daze, and didn’t want to move....but he was pulling me trying to get me out from the middle of the slope and under the hill (you cannot see down the slope until you are going over it, and then it is hard to stop). As I stood groggily to my feet, a brash snowboarder whooshed passed, and was cursed out by the good-Samaritan skier. I worked my limbs, and found that except for an acute pain in my left calf, I was in working order, and I could walk fine. I figured that I strained it a bit, and that I would be FINE. I told the skier that, and he finally begrudged not calling the ski patrol and took my skis down to where the slope went back to 30ish degrees, and curved gently. I then had only to walk down to them, with my poles for support. I began my descent presently, and had only a little difficulty in making sure that I didn’t slide, and that my boots were firmly on the snow. About 4/5ths of the way down, I stepped firmly on my left foot, and it gave way suddenly with a distinct, little "pop". It sent fire up and down my leg as well, and I could not move for some time. I decided to slide down the decreasing angle (about 45-50 degrees, now) to my skis, and work it from there.

Anyone who has sat down on a hill near a lift knows that all this time, the certain people who actually have hearts (and not one snowboarder) ask you if you need help, if you are ok, what happened, etc, etc, etc, etc. I once sat down and made a snowman at Shawnee, and got so annoyed with the well wishers, that I abandoned him. This time, as I didn’t have skis, and was going slowly, I had obviously had trouble. I was mostly able to point to my skis down the hill and people would let me off.

When I finally got to my skis (after sliding past and having to kneel, and crawl back UP the hill to them), I took off my scarf and gloves, and ate some candy, and prepared to re-embark on the lovely day full of skiing. (the day WAS lovely! The first time, the snow was icy, and things were NOT as nice as they could be. This time, the snow was soft and powder-y and the sun was not turning it into ice....although it was warm enough)

About the time I put all my accessories back on, Daddy and Caleb and the girls came up the lift, and were probably quite surprised to see me in such a position. They came down to me, and laughed at me a bit, then helped me get my skis in position. Being that the slope curved to the right, and my skis were all the way on the right side of the slope, my right leg was down-mountain, and every skier knows that you put on your down-mountain ski first. That went on with no problem, so I set up the other. Somehow, my knee would not maneuver so they had to force the boot into the ski, but I could not bring enough pressure on my heel to snap the boot in place. The girls were dispatched to the ski patrol and Daddy and Caleb sat it out with me.

If you think I got a cool ride on a snowmobile, you are wrong. I though that too, and I was wrong. The only option was a toboggan with one person gliding, and another holding strings from behind. I decided to try to ski down, as my leg was once again, feeling fine. The Ski Patrol helped me get my skis in place, and they forced my boot to lock into the ski. Once it locked, I felt fine, and I moved my legs to see how it felt. It felt fine...I was good!

I skied forward, horizontally across the mountain, only to have my left knee suddenly give way and hear a distinctive "pop"! This time, instead of fire, my entire leg felt like it was being twisted into a pretzel shape, and tears jumped into my eyes and I couldn’t help letting the pain out by crying. I told the Ski Patrol about the "pop" and they became suddenly serious and grave. They called for the toboggan, and hurried me to the Emergency station. I would post pictures, but I was wearing rather tight pants under my snowpants, since I didn’t expect to show them to anyone. However, the pictures are not those I would show online.

I was given a leg-splint, which went up my whole leg, and told to have it examined ASAP, because it could be serious, and told not to ski for some time. I then had to hop back to the lodge with crutches (that needed to be returned), and was abandoned as everyone else went out to get their money’s worth of skiing. I listened to music, called grandparents and friends, slept, and cleaned up after all the mess that people leave!

There. That, dear readers, is the "leg event".

Blogimage

2009-02-23T10:34:00.002-05:00

http://www.wordle.net/

Picture

2009-02-23T10:17:00.003-05:00

Of a dubious circumstance which occured to me.

In-family comments will please be kept civil and

Jabberwhatky?

2009-02-07T10:12:00.003-05:00

As I recieved but one comment in over a week's time, I declare this blog officially dead. A second comment two weeks after has allowed some leeway in my decision. I shall fulfill my promise, and then who knows what will come about!

4/20/07
Jabberwhatky?
There once was a shiny sneaker
That squealed when something it her.
She responded to the door
“That never happened before”
And meandered her way down the hall.

The one-time cat whose house
He believed was haunted by a mouse
Who grabbed the lone shoe
For so big his fright grew
He wanted to crush it no matter what befall.

The poetic mouse who laughed
At the old cat who was so daft
Wrote and epic about
How Auntie scolded the lout
And made him sit alone by the wall.

The crotchety Auntie who
Couldn’t imagine why Cat chewed a shoe
Who discovered the mouse’s projector
Who became the shoe’s heroine protector
Didn’t know what had conspired at all.

So....

2009-01-28T19:00:00.003-05:00

I have not been writing, dear readers, in case you hadn't noticed (in which case, it is probable that you are not actually frequenters...only occasional-passers-by). I have not been able to summon up epigrams which shall amuse you, or platitudes which confuse. Politics has been another round of partisan-this versus partisan-that which are a complete waste of time, energy and effort, since the best actors are not in Hollywood, but in D.C.
I have not found things very inspiring with which to challenge you faith and strengthen your trust in Him.

What are my excuses?

Well, first, I have been going at least 3 times a week to York to be part of a drama, which I was lucky enough to be included in. If any of you have time and money to waste, and REALLY want to hear me speak 13 lines, shout from offstage, and sing a little, I can oblige you.

Then, there is my overall lowness of mood, grouchy-ness, and ill-humor because of the dreary, grey, dull, dark and all together miserable seasonal conditions we have been enduring. Not only has it stopped my fount of inspiration, but contributed to a very fussy depression and there is, of course that certain activity which has ended and shall not be resumed until October. (PSD Depression, as a friend classified it)

Therefore, I have made a search of previous entries and things I have compiled on paper, and quotes I have catalogued.

So, it is up to those of you who actually READ my blog.
Do you want poems?
Do you want quotes?
Silly or serious?

I await your verdict.

It don't mattter

2009-01-19T15:15:00.001-05:00

All My Tears will be washed away

Read Through the Bible in Two Weeks

2009-01-05T14:22:00.002-05:00

So, I took this challenge
http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=43287647259&ref=mf
mostly because my sister made me guilty.
I didn't want to, but she commented about how I could read other books much faster. That is true, and I have not been as punctual with my daily Bible reading. (I think my record is two or so days for Brisingr...I'll have to check that)
(*edit* I checked: I was loaned the book Thursday afternoon and had read it all the way through by Saturday 12:30 am)

I was quite shure that it was possible, I only had to dedicate the time. I did not begin right away to keep a schedule, so, the fist few days are already blurry.

The challenge was supposed to start the 21st. I forgot it was the 21st until I checked facebook that night. I intended to begin, but did not as certain things (cleaning up, having a friend over, watching "To Catch a Thief" until 1 am) distracted me.

(note: "day" is general, from the time I wake up till the time I go to be except for the 22nd, which would have begun at 1am)

22nd to the 25th
Genesis
Exodus
Leviticus
Numbers
Deuteronomy
Joshua

26th
Matthew
Mark
Malachi
Luke

Ezekiel (I forget when...one of these two days)

27th (I decided to take a break, and do some "easy" books)
Hosea
Joel
Amos
Obadiah
Jonah
Micah
Nahum
Habakkuk
Zephaniah
Haggai
Zachariah
Daniel
Judges

28th
Lamentations
Ruth
Ezra
Nehemiah
Esther
Proverbs
Ecclesiastes
Song of Solomon
1 Samuel

29th
2 Samuel
1 Kings
2 Kings
1 Chronicles
2 Chronicles
Psalm 1-104

30th
Psalm 105-150
Job
Isaiah 1-40

31st
Isaiah 41-50
John 1-6 (while out shopping)

1st
Isaiah 51-66
Jeremiah 1-40

2nd
Jeremiah 41-52
John 7-21
Acts

3rd:
Romans
1 Corinthians

2 Corinthians
Galatians
Ephesians
Philippians
(these took me an hour....I timed myself)
Colossians
1 Thessalonians
2 Thessalonians
1 Timothy
2 Timothy
Titus
Philemon
Hebrews
James
1 Peter
2 Peter
1 John
2 John
3 John
Jude
Revelation (which took all of 25 minutes at "please-let-me-finish-before-midnight" speed)

My "reading chair" is in the living room, and I was very distracted by kids, the TV (the heretics insisted on watching football), and me watching the TV when the channel surfers landed on random reality shows or Sleepless in Seattle (which was also playing). I looked at my watch half-way through Hebrews and realized that it was almost 11pm. I began doing math in my head, and I realized that if I could finish before midnight,Ii would have finished in 13 days. I took off my glasses, which completely blurred everything but the page in front of me, and attempted to turn off the noise around me, which I can do when I concentrate.

I refused to look at my watch until I had finished Jude, and I found that it was 11:25. With much trepidation, I began reading as fast as I dared (while still stopping to underline and star, as I had been doing throughout this entire two weeks) and got through all 22 chapters ten minutes before midnight.

I gave a yell, and everyone who was still glued to the game-where-people-bang-heads-kick-objects-throw-objects-yell-cheer-boo-etc-ad-infinitum told me to be quiet.

Reading all the way through my Bible, (although I have done it before) was a really neat thing, because I had never done it within a time frame before. I was really overwhelmed by how succinct and perfect it was. Over and over the theme of redemption is cried in the Prophets, in Revelation, even though the final payment takes place, there is still glory and joy from those who have received the promises and are praising God for His justness and righteousness.

It was like playing with a perfectly round and ever-smooth marble. Nothing can break it, nothing can scratch it, and it is perfect.

I was singing the entire rest of the night, and songs still come unbidden. As I was going through, every verse that was turned into a song I underlined and wrote "song" in the margin. Then, I would continue reading with that song playing in the background of my mind. It is great.

Psalm for a time of need

2009-01-04T21:45:00.001-05:00

Psalm 37

Of David.

1 Do not fret because of evil men
or be envious of those who do wrong;

2 for like the grass they will soon wither,
like green plants they will soon die away.

3 Trust in the LORD and do good;
dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture.

4 Delight yourself in the LORD
and he will give you the desires of your heart.

5 Commit your way to the LORD;
trust in him and he will do this:

6 He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn,
the justice of your cause like the noonday sun.

7 Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him;
do not fret when men succeed in their ways,
when they carry out their wicked schemes.

8 Refrain from anger and turn from wrath;
do not fret—it leads only to evil.

9 For evil men will be cut off,
but those who hope in the LORD will inherit the land.

10 A little while, and the wicked will be no more;
though you look for them, they will not be found.

11 But the meek will inherit the land
and enjoy great peace.

12 The wicked plot against the righteous
and gnash their teeth at them;

13 but the Lord laughs at the wicked,
for he knows their day is coming.

14 The wicked draw the sword
and bend the bow
to bring down the poor and needy,
to slay those whose ways are upright.

15 But their swords will pierce their own hearts,
and their bows will be broken.

16 Better the little that the righteous have
than the wealth of many wicked;

17 for the power of the wicked will be broken,
but the LORD upholds the righteous.

18 The days of the blameless are known to the LORD,
and their inheritance will endure forever.

19 In times of disaster they will not wither;
in days of famine they will enjoy plenty.

20 But the wicked will perish:
The LORD's enemies will be like the beauty of the fields,
they will vanish—vanish like smoke.

21 The wicked borrow and do not repay,
but the righteous give generously;

22 those the LORD blesses will inherit the land,
but those he curses will be cut off.

23 If the LORD delights in a man's way,
he makes his steps firm;

24 though he stumble, he will not fall,
for the LORD upholds him with his hand.

25 I was young and now I am old,
yet I have never seen the righteous forsaken
or their children begging bread.

26 They are always generous and lend freely;
their children will be blessed.

27 Turn from evil and do good;
then you will dwell in the land forever.

28 For the LORD loves the just
and will not forsake his faithful ones.
They will be protected forever,
but the offspring of the wicked will be cut off;

29 the righteous will inherit the land
and dwell in it forever.

30 The mouth of the righteous man utters wisdom,
and his tongue speaks what is just.

31 The law of his God is in his heart;
his feet do not slip.

32 The wicked lie in wait for the righteous,
seeking their very lives;

33 but the LORD will not leave them in their power
or let them be condemned when brought to trial.

34 Wait for the LORD
and keep his way.
He will exalt you to inherit the land;
when the wicked are cut off, you will see it.

35 I have seen a wicked and ruthless man
flourishing like a green tree in its native soil,

36 but he soon passed away and was no more;
though I looked for him, he could not be found.

37 Consider the blameless, observe the upright;
there is a future for the man of peace.

38 But all sinners will be destroyed;
the future of the wicked will be cut off.

39 The salvation of the righteous comes from the LORD;
he is their stronghold in time of trouble.

40 The LORD helps them and delivers them;
he delivers them from the wicked and saves them,
because they take refuge in him.

New Years

2008-12-31T17:30:00.001-05:00

These seem to be a repeating post factor on my blog.
(I just went back and re-read my previous "new years" posts)

New Years rolls around again. I suddenly get gripped by a terrible panic in my chest. I NEED the sea, I NEED to be out in the gazebo with everyone, I NEED to see some light-brown faces and I NEED to sing my heart out. I NEED to walk down to the dagat and watch the sunrise while the boys do flips and "karate". I NEED to walk back to the house all light-hearted and looking forward to a new year. Laughing at everyone being sleepy-silly, talking with special people about new year resolutions. I NEED to wave goodbye to everyone in the grey light, go inside, clean up and grab a couple hours of sleep. I NEED to wake up and hear some of the boys compare how little they slept and how great they still feel.....

It is interesting how tradition affects one.
It is hard how tradition pulls.

Languagash 2

2008-12-30T11:01:00.002-05:00

Even in enlightened people, vulgarities and inferior dialect may invade.

This sad occurrence came upon me while out shopping with my mother. We were coming upon something with repetitive frequency (I forget what and the exact details now), and I commented "Yeah, we <3 getting .....(whatever that was)"

My mother gave me a strange look.

I lol. (actually, I did burst out laughing, but only thought "lol" later)

I thought: "This would make a great blog post!"

Dies Natalis Solis Invicti

2008-12-24T17:20:00.000-05:00

May you have a merry season of "the birth of the unconquered Sun".

That was an ancient Persian/pagan/Roman feast held on December 25th.

Wikipedia is almost shockingly frank in it's coordination of "Christmas" with it's pagan roots.

An interesting note for those who still believe in the "christian Constantine" myth:

Constantine decreed (March 7, 321) dies Solis—day of the sun, "Sunday"—as the Roman day of rest [CJ3.12.2]: "On the venerable day of the Sun let the magistrates and people residing in cities rest, and let all workshops be closed..."

The first mention of celebrating the birthday of Christ was 345 AD--

Christmas was promoted in the Christian East as part of the revival of Catholicism following the death of the pro-Arian Emperor Valens at the Battle of Adrianople in 378. The feast was introduced to Constantinople in 379, and to Antioch in about 380. The feast disappeared after Gregory of Nazianzus resigned as bishop in 381, although it was reintroduced by John Chrysostom in about 400.^[5]

The Twelve Days of Christmas end on January 5. December 26 is St. Stephen's Day and January 6 is Feast of Epiphany This period encompasses the major feasts surrounding the birth of Christ. In the Latin Rite, one week after Christmas Day, January 1, has traditionally been the celebration the Feast of the Naming and Circumcision of Christ, but since Vatican II, this feast has been celebrated as the Solemnity of Mary, Mother of God.

In Colonial America, the Puritans of New England disapproved of Christmas. Celebration was outlawed in Boston from 1659 to 1681.

So, in case you felt like celebrating.....think twice about what it means.

Some links for Saturnalia:
An almost satanic description of how to celebrate Saturnalia.
Specifications on ancient decorations, gift giving, etc, (very similar to Solis Invicti)
Wikipedia

2008-12-12T05:00:00.000-05:00

My choice, my consequence,
My destiny
Moulded by the hands which created
And love me

My life, my heart to You
Alone belong
Every tremoring, numbered heartbeat
Of my life's song.

At night to You I cry
My heart's desire
Must be You, and You alone, O Lord
Your consuming fire.

Purify me, burn away
All my dross
Let my heart seek and look only for
The foot of Your cross.

Twice....er....make that thrice....

2008-12-09T22:27:00.004-05:00

The not so smooth nor rhythmic order of our day was suddenly broken when the addition of an hour long Patrol Leader meeting at Boy Scouts deducted the same amount of time from our day and the planned events therein.

We made the changes necessary, and I suddenly found myself the only person in the house with Isaiah and the Tasha-nator. Bethany had a meeting to go to, Mother took the boys to Boy Scouts, and the girls went to visit the Library, and Caleb tagged along.

Things were fine.....for the first hour and a half. I played random Gaelic songs (Anuna & Celtic Woman), along with smatterings of Italian and Spanish (Il Divo) and cooked up the tomato sauce for dinner.
Isaiah ran after the cat and puppy.
Tashanator ran from the baby and at the cat.
The Cat ran for it's life on both fronts.

Eventually, the animal began yelping in it's little manipulative puppy-whine. This usually signaled a heavy bladder, so I unceremoniously dropped her outside, at which point she decided not to do her business but meander about the front lawn, and I with no shoes, coat, etc was obliged to chase her down and just as unceremoniously plop her back inside. She was wise enough to become scarce.

Then, Isaiah got fussy, so I read to him and changed his clothes into sleep clothes, powderd, and diaper changed him. He relaxed on my shoulder, and then promptly vomited out most of his dinner all over my new Daytona Beach sweatshirt. (thanks, Grandmom!)

I got him in the tub and let him soak while I washed out my shirt and his clothing. I then soaped him and got him, once again, changed, powdered, and diapered. He was rather unhappy at this point, and fussed for a time. I got a check-up "how-are-you-doing" call and he calmed down after hearing his mother's voice.
Cat resumed running about and entertained the baby for a time, as the dog had not appeared.

He eventually climbed up on my lap with his blanket, and relaxed, and fell mostly asleep. Holding a sleeping baby is one of the most relaxing things in the world, and I to was drowsing off WHEN.....

*choke*, *cough*, *gurgle*
(me a drowsy....huh?)

As throwup ran down his face into his hair and all over my skirt, the baby was trying to cry but couldn't. Suddenly in full command of my reflexes, I grabbed him, held him sideways so he could breathe and ran to the kitchen sink. I was about 5 inches short when the rest of it came up, but the water was near enough for me to wash his hair and face before grabbing the phone and making a GET-HOME-THIS-INSTANT call.

Ring, ring, (Isaiah: *choke, cough...CRY*) ring, ring, ring, (Isaiah: CCCCCRRRRYYYYYYY) ring..........click (that annoying computer tone "Please leave a message for.....")
Me: *HANG UP*

At this point in time Isaiah is clinging to me screaming because he got woken up with somewhat digested pieces of food and acid coming up his throat, at which point he was run across the house and dumped into a sink and had his face got wiped with soaking wet cloth.
About two seconds later the door slams, and the boys announce their return in Daddy's car. I take a breath, count to three-hundred, and ask Micah not to step in the stuff around the sink. Nathan immediately begins serving himself food, and Micah walks away.

Daddy took initiative and cleaned up the mess in the family room and the trail to the kitchen, as I took the baby to his room and re-changed, powered and soothed him. Walking back into the kitchen, Micah has been commandeered to vacuum up the bigger pieces, and he and daddy ask me to go change my skirt, as it is dripping *fluid*, and pieces of food are falling off onto the floor. I fold it up, and with the baby on my hip, take a trip to get changed, wash out the skirt, put it and my sweater in the washer, and keep the baby away from the clean-up party.

The moment all this is done, who should show up but the mother of the child. The haphazard rhythm resumes as everyone gets food and works on nighttime jobs and finishing school. As dinner is beign cleaned up, the baby begins coughing, (nother gave him a drink), and gets up most of the water along with probbably everything left in his stomach. His mother catches a good bit of it in a used dinner bowl, but much of it was not caught.

Micah immediately adds a qualification to his list-of-things-necessary-in-a-wife (now you know, honey!). "She needs to not get sick when she cleans up throwup.....oh MAN.....I'm getting sick standing here!" The baby is once again changed, and this time put to sleep by his mother. I get clean-up duty, but the stench keeps Micah from cleaning up the dinner table for another 40-ish minutes.

I am currently musing on the "not-so-obvious" qualities that one's brothers appreciate in one, although no one really thinks of them as qualities....and on the probability of reccurance of that item on any man's "future wife" list.

Enjoy

Today is.....

2008-11-29T23:59:00.002-05:00

SQUARE DANCING DAY!!!!!

*celebrates*

YAY!!!

Enjoy, y'all!

America made Germany look like pacifists

2008-11-27T13:37:00.005-05:00

An interesting overview of America's "imperialist agenda" from the book:

The Pity of War --- Niall Ferguson (concerning World War I and it's causes)

Another example may be given of an aggressive power which posed a direct threat to Britain in the Atlantic and Pacific; a power which shared a border over three thousand miles long with one of the Empire’s most prosperous territories. This was the United States.
Though the two powers had not come to blows since 1812, it is easily forgotten how many reasons they had to quarrel in the 1890’s. The US took issue with Britain over the border of Venezuela and British Guiana, a dispute not settled until 1899; went to war with Spain over Cuba and in the process acquired the Philippines, Puerto Rico and Guam in 1898; annexed Hawaii in the same year; fought a bloody colonial war in the Philippines between 1899 and 1902; acquired some of the Samoan Islands in 1899; and eagerly took a hand in the economic carve-up of China. The next stage of American imperial expansion was to construct a canal across the Central American isthmus. Compared with the US, Germany was a pacific power. Once again Britain appeased the strong. The 1901 Hay-Paunceforte Treaty waived Britain’s objection to American control and fortification of the projected Panama Canal; and London allowed President Theodore Roosevelt to ride roughshod over Colombian objections by assisting a Panamanian revolt in the chosen Canal Zone. In 1901-2 Selborne took the decision to wind down Britain’s naval capacity for war with the United States in the Caribbean and the Atlantic. (R. Williams, Defending the Empire, pp. 70f.) This appeasement had predictable results. In 1904 the Americans established financial control over the Dominican Republic; the same thing happened in Nicaragua in 1909 (with military backing in 1912). Woordrow Wilson claimed to deplore “dollar diplomacy” and the “big stick”; but it was he who sent the marines to take over Haiti in 1915 and to the Dominican Republic in 1916; and it was he who authorized military intervention in Mexico, first in 1914 to change the Mexican government and then in March 1916 to punish ‘Pancho’ Villa for a raid on New Mexico. (M. Jones, Limits of Liberty, pp. 396-411.) But no one in Britain said a word. America was powerful; so there could be no Anglo-American antagonism.
British foreign policy between 1900 and 1906, then, was to appease those powers which appeared to pose the greatest threat to her position, even at the expense of good relations with the less important powers. The key point is that Germany fell into the latter category; France, Russia and the United States into the former.

(the bold emphasis is mine)
This is from the view of an English professor. For those among us who stand by a strict, constitutional, isolationist policy....this list is not only shocking, but enlightening. Upon this foundation came about our entrance into World War I, and WW II, and Korea, and Vietnam, and the "cold war", and the first Iraq war, and the current "war on terror".

I'll bet 99% of Americans have no idea that all this happened, or that any of it is a problem.
I'll bet--no, I KNOW that a lot of them also think that the "war on terror" is a decisive battle between freedom and dictatorships. They want us to get "victory" and "liberty" before we pull out. They think that all the death and expense and destruction is justified by the social ends that we are "achieving".

I'll bet most of them don't know or won't believe the quote:
"When war comes, the first casualty is truth..." US Senator Hiram Johnson

Ought to be

2008-11-23T15:05:00.002-05:00

Is "modern motherhood" harder than it ought to be?

Some interesting thoughts from a lady on how society has made motherhood harder.

A Vote for a Third Party is a Vote for---

2008-11-12T16:07:00.003-05:00

Uhhhhhmmmmmmm.........................

Liberty?

People say that a vote for a third party is a vote for whomever they don't desire on the other side of the Republican vs. Democrat race, depending on whose side they are on.
Of course, the Republicans say it is a vote for the Democrats, and the Democrats say it gives the Republicans the edge.

People have accused me of trying to get McCain to lose and of underground sedition against Obama. An Obama supporter told me that any vote for anyone besides a democrat was just about a crime in her book, and giving me her signature for Ballot access was too close to risk.
One young man angrily informed me that a vote for a 3rd Party was a vote for Obama.
Then, unwilling to know anything else, he stormed away from me.

But, on November 4th....what was the real story?

The only states where the margin was close enough between the fat cats, AND the underdogs had enough votes to have swung one way or another were

Montana: There were around 14,000 major-third-party votes. (please note that Paul and Peroutka is some government mix-up, as Peroutka was not running for anything, and Paul had no VP, and was not running under the Constitution Party. Also note: McCain won the state, therefore all these 14,00 souls were not voting for Obama by default)

Indiana: It seems that the only 3rd Party there was Barr, who got upwards of 29,000 votes. Obama won Indiana. IF...and I say IF...every single one of those freedom-loving individuals voted for McCain, he would have been able to win. Even so, he would not have had enough electoral votes to win the election....so it would have been a waste...pun intended)

North Carolina: Also won by Obama. However, there were approx. 14, 000 write-ins, and Barr got a significant number.

and Missouri: (which is still being debated, it is listed as "not yet settled") McCain is winning by a margin of 10,000. If all the Nader people (who BTW see Obama as a right-wing radical) voted for Obama, it would go down to "every single vote counts" mentality. Even so, Obama would still get the Presidency. It is the Electoral College, not the mass of sheep that decides.

The Electoral College.....our last remaining scrap of Republicanism. (and I'm not referring to the party which defames that title)

One of those

2008-11-10T12:22:00.006-05:00

Random homeschool moment:
My little siblings are pounding their hands on the table, chanting in unison:

"Rob a BANK, rob a BANK!"

(the baby, at a year and 4 months, seeing the general enthusiasm, is chanting da-da-da in the same intonation)

Don't ask!!!!

EDIT: (later in the day)

Mama: "Wait, are you God?"
Sara: "Oh, no, that was Rea"
(this one is a bit easier to explain as we were reading Exodus , each person had a role/character)

Undaunted

2008-11-05T18:47:00.003-05:00

Last night after watching speeches and hearing empty, pretty words, I told my sister"Now we get to read every one's blogs don't we?"

In the general, ignorant sorrow over McCain's loss and the general, ignorant glee over Obama's victory, people are saying very insightful things.
One McCain supporter said that we should not sit idly by and let out founding values be trashed. Many are posting Bible verses and praying.

I am glad that Obama got into office, if for no other reason than this. Christians realized not only that their apathy and ignorance has given them what they seem to most despise, but that instead of sitting back comfortable in the delusion that a conservative Republican was watching their backs, they will be armed, vigilant and diligent for the Constitution, individual liberty, personal responsibility and freedom.

I wrote in a name, because the current one-not-two party system has blocked out any competition. I am not ashamed. In fact, despite the republican well-spread lie, there was effect on the election by the best intentioned people who voted for other than the two evils offered us.
More on that in the next post.

I am undaunted by the newest challenge to American ideals. At least the rest of America is suddenly realizing the danger of an unfettered, gigantic, and monster-sized executive office.

Meditate on these things

2008-11-04T07:09:00.003-05:00

All that I am, all that I have
I lay them down before You, oh Lord
All my regrets, all my acclaims
The joy and the pain, I'm making them Yours.

Lord, I offer my life to You,
Everything I've been through
Use it for Your glory-
Lord, I offer my days to You,
Lifting my praise to You
As a pleasing sacrifice:
Lord I offer You my life.

Things in the past, things yet unseen
Wishes and dreams that are yet to come true
All of my hopes, all of my plans,
My heart and my hands
Are lifted to You.

And Lord, I offer my life to You,
Everything I've been through
Use it for Your glory-
Lord, I offer my days to You,
Lifting my praise to You
As a pleasing sacrifice:
Lord I offer You my life.

What can we give
That You have not given?
And what do we have
That is not already Yours?
All we possess
Are these lives we're living
That's what we give to You, Lord

So Lord, I offer my life to You,
Everything I've been through
Use it for Your glory-
Lord, I offer my days to You,
Lifting my praise to You
As a pleasing sacrifice:
Lord I offer You my life.

Lord, I offer You my life.

Best:

2008-10-29T17:58:00.001-04:00

This is one of the single best articles I have found on the voting issue so far.

The Republican party is an old wineskin, and the idea that by voting for it we can get new wine into that old wineskin is preposterous beyond imagination.

Hmmm?

2008-10-27T15:59:00.000-04:00

Psalm 149:5-9
5 Let the saints be joyful in glory;
Let them sing aloud on their beds.
6 Let the high praises of God be in their mouth,
And a two-edged sword in their hand,
7 To execute vengeance on the nations,
And punishments on the peoples;
8 To bind their kings with chains,
And their nobles with fetters of iron;
9 To execute on them the written judgment—
This honor have all His saints.

Camera Continuing

2008-10-25T18:18:00.003-04:00

I said that I would upload some pictures for you guys as I work up my skills.

I would like to add more, but my web-album space on google is taken up.

How about a link?